I definitely think my body is shutting down from total exhaustion now. The band season has been so grueling on parents & kids. We don't get a break at all this week. It started last night (Tuesday) with practices. Tonight we had the Halloween parade and party after, practice tomorrow night, football game Friday and then competition on Saturday. I would love to say we at least have Sunday off, but truth is, we don't! We won't be home from the Saturday competition until about 3am Sunday! So, by the time we get to bed we will sleep half of our Sunday away anyway! Ugh!!
Then, the decision to go to Nationals was made, so instead of this week being it for us, we are continuing on. I would never begrudge the kids this opportunity, but damn I am tired! Next week it will be practices and then Annapolis, MD on Friday for Nationals.
So, after competition season is finally over, I have to move forward with the Santa Breakfast stuff. I am feeling overly stressed over this one. I honestly did not ask to be in charge of this. It was dropped in my lap. I don't mind helping out all I can at these things, but to be in charge of organizing it, nope, not what I want to do! I didn't mind helping last year at all, but I did not want to be in charge of this huge fundraiser. It is very stressful and we all know I don't handle stress the best in the last few years! I tend to worry about it spiraling me out of control. I am doing my best to not let it, but the last few weeks, I have been feeling the breakdown coming. It's just the worst time of year for me, I think! I used to organize pageants with no problem, but things are so different in me now that organizing one frundraiser is driving me nuts!
I am honestly thinking about resigning from the board at the end of this school year. I hate to do it, but I'm honestly thinking it's best for my own sanity. I don't mind being part of the boosters and helping out all I can, but I don't think being on the board is for me. We shall see, but I am leaning towards doing that anyway.
Holidays are coming and even they are causing me stress this year. I usually do Thanksgiving and Christmas. It has just been that way. When Mom was alive, she helped or even took one and then I helped her instead. Since her passing, I have done both most of the time. Kevin has mentioned taking Thanksgiving this year, which would be fine, but he would need my help and I would still find myself doing a good portion of the holiday. Britney is in the Boscov's parade in Philly that morning as well. So, like last year, dinner will need to be pushed back to about 3pm instead of 1 like we used to do. The day after Thanksgiving we are planning to go to NC to visit Tony, Jen & Gian for a few days. Even that has me stressed now as both girls had commitments that came up for that weekend. Ashley has basketball tryouts that weekend and may not be able to get out of them which would mean leaving her behind that weekend! Britney was supposed to attend homecoming as an executive student council member or she would be kicked out of the organization. Luckily, she was able to straighten that one out and all is ok with her. I can not believe they even put homecoming on Thanksgiving weekend. How stupid is that???? So, the trip is going to be stressful if I have to leave Ashley behind for the weekend. We were supposed to go as a family, not minus one! Ugh!!!!
Britney had her driving test in a few weeks. Even that is stressing me out. Because of band season, we have not had any time at all to take her out and practice her parking or anything. She has driven, but needs some help with the parallel parking still. Now that band season has been extended again, that will take us up to the week before her test! Not sure one week is going to be enough and honestly, I worry about her failing her first try because of lack of practice and possibly her own nervousness! We added her car and her to our insurance which of course spiked our policy by quite a bit! Her father is supposed to help with it, but I won't hold my breathe. He was also supposed to help with buying her a car, but that never happened!
Seems like I'm in a bitching mood, so looks like I should rename this post the Bitch post. LOL Guess I just get like this when stressed!
On a positive note, the kids had a great time at the Halloween party tonight. It was great to see them all having a blast together for a change since they have worked so hard this season. Britney was excited today because she got the highest grade on a pshychology test today. She hung it on the fridge like she used to when she was little. It's cute! Ashley decided to go to the next two competitions as a band aide, so she will be travelling with the band. I think she missed doing it this year, even if she won't admit it. She was having a blast at the party tonight too. LOL Oh, the Phillies won the World Series tonight. I'm not a baseball fan, so I personally didn't care much. I did find myself watching it though and cheering them on. Even though I generally hate the Philadelphia teams! LOL Well, I hate the Eagles, but guess I won't take that out on the Phillies. LOL
Oh, also forgot to mention that yesterday, we gave Angel away. It was very hard to do after hand raising her for the last 5 years! It was necessary though. Her and Bella could not get along anymore and Angel is such a non-dog that she needed a home where she could be the center of attention and get all of the love. I found her what I feel will be a wonderful home with an older woman who lives alone, but has raised Shihtzu's in the past. Her last one died 4 years ago, but lived to be 19! She was a perfect fit for Angel and I know Angel will get tons of love and she deserved that. We had talked for awhile about trying to find her and possibly even Bella homes. I will miss her, but luckily the lady will also be keeping in touch with me and said she would send tons of pics in email as well. Now, if Bella doesn't knock her pushiness off, she will be finding a new home next. LOL Since Angel is gone, she may turn her dominating nature to Rajah and I will not have that at all! We shall see. She is a wonderful dog in every other way, but she has real issues with other female dogs for some reason! It's beginning to drive me nuts!
Okay, I think this post was long and boring enough so I guess I should possibly think about getting some sleep. Morning comes way too quickly these days. I need to pack some food for Britney for tomorrow. She has to stay after school and then has band at 6, so she will stay straight through. Usually she will go buy something, but I'm so sick of having to give her extra money all of the time because of band practices! I told her she can pack for a change. LOL Yep, I'm being a bitch! Truth is that band season breaks the bank here! And, I still have to buy my damn tickets for All States tomorrow at $13 each! At least I don't have to buy Ashley one now that she will be part of the band. LOL
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Tired
Too tired to post much tonight, but wanted to say a huge congratulations to our band, New Jersey Group 1 open Champions! WooHoo! They were awesome today and not only did they win the state championships, but they took a clean sweep winning every category: best color guard, best music, best percustion, best visual and best overall effects! What an awesome day!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Rainy Saturday
It was rainy and miserable today. I honestly didn't mind much though. At least it was warm too. Pat did a bunch of work on Brit's car today. It's running great. She is loving it. We let her drive her car to the football game last night. Pat went in the car with her, of course. I know she was loving it and can't wait to be able to just go alone. She goes for her road test on November 17th, so we shall see after that.
Britney had band practice 3 to 5 today, so dropped her off then ran to pick up check from Don. Ashley convinced him to take her and Dallas to the mall, so she stayed with him and he will bring her home at some point tonight. We stopped at Shoprite on the way back into Hammonton to pick up some goodies for in the van for the long ride to and from the competition tomorrow. Then picked Brit back up at band. They were having pizza after practice, but she didn't want to stay for it. She is sick of junk food, so she opted to come home right after and have a nice, yummy, Caesar salad instead. LOL It will be an early to bed night here since we have to have Brit at the school by 6:30 tomorrow morning. After tomorrow, just one more week left of competitions, thank goodness! We are all pretty run down from the season. Now, if I can just get through the Santa Breakfast in December, I'll be happy. LOL
I haven't had any time in my craft room for a few days. Always so much going on these days. Will look forward to more time in there once competition season is over as well.
They are playing a Halloween marathon on AMC today. I have been watching them most of the day. Yes, I'm a crazy Halloween fan. LOL Rajah is laying in the chair with me. Have I mentioned that she is always up my butt? LOL I laugh at Britney because she says Rajah is her dog, but truth be told, Rajah is my dog!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Random, smokey Friday thoughts
I have a migraine from all of the smoke in the air today! It's horrible. Forest fire has been burning for about 4 days now in the area. The girls' school was closed today due to the bad air quality here. It smells worse today than it has in the past days. I think the wind has shifted and it's now heading this direction! The joys of living in the woods! Ugh!! The house is all closed up, but I still smell it! There is supposed to be a home football game tonight, but not sure yet what will happen with that. I certainly don't see how they could make them play in that smoke! Still waiting to hear.
We are expecting horrible weather tomorrow. It should help with the fire, hopefully. But, it has made our championships scheduled for Giants Stadium to be moved to Sunday instead and now at a different location since the NFL plays on Sunday at the stadium. Sunday is supposed to be nicer though, so it's best. Times got changed around though, so now the kids have to be at the school by 6:30am on Sunday as busses are leaving at 7. We perform at 11 and our awards are at 3:15. It's about a 2 hour drive to the school it's being held at. Hope we do well. We are going in pretty much as top seat, but I looked at the schedule and they have us going first. I hate first! LOL
I feel so bad for Ashley. One of her friends, was hit by a truck last night while riding on a quad. It was actually two of her friends. The one boy was up and walking around and just hurt his arm, but the other boy had to be flown out and she said he wasn't moving at all. Yes, she was there right after the accident since it was only one road over! As far as I know, she hasn't heard anything about him yet today. She was pretty upset most of the night, so I was actually glad when school was canceled. I doubt she got much sleep, unfortunately!
Well, guess I'm going for now since I seem to be coughing up a lung now! Ugh, this smoke!!! :(
We are expecting horrible weather tomorrow. It should help with the fire, hopefully. But, it has made our championships scheduled for Giants Stadium to be moved to Sunday instead and now at a different location since the NFL plays on Sunday at the stadium. Sunday is supposed to be nicer though, so it's best. Times got changed around though, so now the kids have to be at the school by 6:30am on Sunday as busses are leaving at 7. We perform at 11 and our awards are at 3:15. It's about a 2 hour drive to the school it's being held at. Hope we do well. We are going in pretty much as top seat, but I looked at the schedule and they have us going first. I hate first! LOL
I feel so bad for Ashley. One of her friends, was hit by a truck last night while riding on a quad. It was actually two of her friends. The one boy was up and walking around and just hurt his arm, but the other boy had to be flown out and she said he wasn't moving at all. Yes, she was there right after the accident since it was only one road over! As far as I know, she hasn't heard anything about him yet today. She was pretty upset most of the night, so I was actually glad when school was canceled. I doubt she got much sleep, unfortunately!
Well, guess I'm going for now since I seem to be coughing up a lung now! Ugh, this smoke!!! :(
Monday, October 20, 2008
Yawn........
Well, weekend is over and I think I'm still feeling it. LOL It was a long, busy one. But, on a good note, our band is now South Jersey Regional Champions! WooHoo!! Way to go band!
Branden's christening yesterday was nice. He was so good during it and slept most of the time. Such sweetie. I was so happy to see Gian too. Tony, Jen & Gian came up for the christening as Jen is the godmother. I have missed Gian so much. He is still such a good little boy! He is 7 months now and is getting so animated. I love it!
I have so much going on right now. I have to plan the Santa Breakfast for the band, plan Ashley's Sweet 16, figure out Thanksgiving holiday, Christmas holiday and all of the rest of the band stuff. My head is spinning all of the time.
I want and need to get back on a diet, but who has the time to worry about that stuff?!? We eat on the run so often right now. I try not to eat bad, but it's inevitable when we are gone more than home or even when home the dinner's are super fast ones. I am looking forward to band season being over. Just seems as it if was longer than usual this year.
Branden's christening yesterday was nice. He was so good during it and slept most of the time. Such sweetie. I was so happy to see Gian too. Tony, Jen & Gian came up for the christening as Jen is the godmother. I have missed Gian so much. He is still such a good little boy! He is 7 months now and is getting so animated. I love it!
I have so much going on right now. I have to plan the Santa Breakfast for the band, plan Ashley's Sweet 16, figure out Thanksgiving holiday, Christmas holiday and all of the rest of the band stuff. My head is spinning all of the time.
I want and need to get back on a diet, but who has the time to worry about that stuff?!? We eat on the run so often right now. I try not to eat bad, but it's inevitable when we are gone more than home or even when home the dinner's are super fast ones. I am looking forward to band season being over. Just seems as it if was longer than usual this year.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Can I Stay in Bed This Weekend???
It is going to be a crazy weekend. Definitely thinking staying in bed would be a better idea. LOL
Tonight is a huge football game at the high school. We are playing Mainland and we are both undefeated. It is supposed to be the biggest game of the season. Brit has to be back to the school by 4:30, which honestly, I do not understand. The game is at 7 and it's a home game. I hate that the director feels the need to practice these kids for hours prior to things all of the time! He has totally exhausted these kids this year and moral is pretty low at this point. Ugh!! Anyway, probably won't be home until after 10 tonight from the game. Then, tomorrow morning Brit & Ash have PSAT testing and need to be at the school before 8am. They get done at 11:15am and Brit has to be at band at 12! So, enough time to grab her, run to the store to let her get some food and drop her right back off. Competition after that and after he practices them for a few hours, I'm sure!! They are due to go on the field at 5 something for the competition and awards aren't until about 10 at night. By the time they get back to the school for us to pick her up there, we will most likely be home around midnight! Then on Sunday we have Branden's christening and Britney has another competition.
I am pretty pissed about the competition on Sunday. This was not on the schedule and he just threw it in without consulting parents or even the boosters first. We purposely had Chrissy plan Branden's christening around the band schedule and now that is messed up! Britney can't even attend her nephew's christening now and we are going to have to go nuts figuring out all of the transportation stuff for her. It truly is crazy and I am honestly hating it this year. I can not wait for the season to be over. These kids have worked their butts off this year and this director is running them into the ground every week. Britney was actually ready to quit last week, which definitely means it has gotten bad! :(
So, I don't see much rest in my future for this weekend. I haven't been sleeping well either. Although, that is pretty normal, but it's been even worse than usual lately. My mind never seems to shut down and I'm always thinking about what I have to do coming up. I guess someday, things will be calm around here.
Tonight is a huge football game at the high school. We are playing Mainland and we are both undefeated. It is supposed to be the biggest game of the season. Brit has to be back to the school by 4:30, which honestly, I do not understand. The game is at 7 and it's a home game. I hate that the director feels the need to practice these kids for hours prior to things all of the time! He has totally exhausted these kids this year and moral is pretty low at this point. Ugh!! Anyway, probably won't be home until after 10 tonight from the game. Then, tomorrow morning Brit & Ash have PSAT testing and need to be at the school before 8am. They get done at 11:15am and Brit has to be at band at 12! So, enough time to grab her, run to the store to let her get some food and drop her right back off. Competition after that and after he practices them for a few hours, I'm sure!! They are due to go on the field at 5 something for the competition and awards aren't until about 10 at night. By the time they get back to the school for us to pick her up there, we will most likely be home around midnight! Then on Sunday we have Branden's christening and Britney has another competition.
I am pretty pissed about the competition on Sunday. This was not on the schedule and he just threw it in without consulting parents or even the boosters first. We purposely had Chrissy plan Branden's christening around the band schedule and now that is messed up! Britney can't even attend her nephew's christening now and we are going to have to go nuts figuring out all of the transportation stuff for her. It truly is crazy and I am honestly hating it this year. I can not wait for the season to be over. These kids have worked their butts off this year and this director is running them into the ground every week. Britney was actually ready to quit last week, which definitely means it has gotten bad! :(
So, I don't see much rest in my future for this weekend. I haven't been sleeping well either. Although, that is pretty normal, but it's been even worse than usual lately. My mind never seems to shut down and I'm always thinking about what I have to do coming up. I guess someday, things will be calm around here.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I Should Be Sleeping
Yep, I should be sleeping, but here I am again. Ugh! Well, it's 12:17am, so it is officially my birthday! Happy Birthday to me! Yes, I'm being sarcastic.
Tonight we had my birthday dinner. It was a complete flop, which does not surprise me one bit. Only people to show were my Dad, Chrissy & Branden, John, and Erene. Brit's boyfriend, JD ran by after he got off work to give me a card. I thought that was very sweet of him! He's a good kid! Let's see, I don't think Chrissy even really said happy birthday to me at all (well, I guess singing happy birthday is saying it, so maybe she did?!?). The night seemed to turn into more about Branden and Chrissy than my birthday. :( It tends to always happen, so guess I should not be surprised about that either. Sigh..... These are the reasons I tend to not want to bother with more than just us for my birthday. I end up doing stuff, like cleaning up for my own celebration and then others monopolize Pat during that time, etc... Maybe I'm just being selfish, but damn it, it was MY birthday celebration!! When do I ever think of myself?? I definitely do not think one night a year making it about me is so wrong?!? Oh well, life goes on.
Now that it's my real birthday, I wonder how many will actually bother calling me to say happy birthday or anything?!? Won't surprise me if nobody does, honestly. Such is life. Okay, yes, I miss Mom!!!! Mom would never forget it or make my day about anything else. She always made sure that I knew it was about me at least that one day a year. :( These are times when I miss her the most.
Anyway, I did get lots of nice stuff from Pat and the girls. Of course, I did pick most of it out. Pat did surprise me with a nice album for my ATC's, so I was happy about that. Aside from that, the girls did also include nice letters in my box of craft stuff. Even Erene included a nice little letter. So sweet! So, besides the album, I got a big box full of craft stuff for my craft room, a new printer with a photo editing software, and a couple of books! :) Pat wants to take me to dinner for my actual birthday. I have to figure out how we can manage that one. Ashley has to stay after school for basketball and Britney has to go back to school for band rehearsal. Not sure how the heck we can manage to go out to dinner, but we will figure something out, I suppose.
Well, it is now almost 12:30 and I suppose I really should try to get some sleep tonight. I'm considering sleeping my birthday away. Maybe I'll stay in bed all day?!? Yeah, like I could do that. LOL Good night!
Tonight we had my birthday dinner. It was a complete flop, which does not surprise me one bit. Only people to show were my Dad, Chrissy & Branden, John, and Erene. Brit's boyfriend, JD ran by after he got off work to give me a card. I thought that was very sweet of him! He's a good kid! Let's see, I don't think Chrissy even really said happy birthday to me at all (well, I guess singing happy birthday is saying it, so maybe she did?!?). The night seemed to turn into more about Branden and Chrissy than my birthday. :( It tends to always happen, so guess I should not be surprised about that either. Sigh..... These are the reasons I tend to not want to bother with more than just us for my birthday. I end up doing stuff, like cleaning up for my own celebration and then others monopolize Pat during that time, etc... Maybe I'm just being selfish, but damn it, it was MY birthday celebration!! When do I ever think of myself?? I definitely do not think one night a year making it about me is so wrong?!? Oh well, life goes on.
Now that it's my real birthday, I wonder how many will actually bother calling me to say happy birthday or anything?!? Won't surprise me if nobody does, honestly. Such is life. Okay, yes, I miss Mom!!!! Mom would never forget it or make my day about anything else. She always made sure that I knew it was about me at least that one day a year. :( These are times when I miss her the most.
Anyway, I did get lots of nice stuff from Pat and the girls. Of course, I did pick most of it out. Pat did surprise me with a nice album for my ATC's, so I was happy about that. Aside from that, the girls did also include nice letters in my box of craft stuff. Even Erene included a nice little letter. So sweet! So, besides the album, I got a big box full of craft stuff for my craft room, a new printer with a photo editing software, and a couple of books! :) Pat wants to take me to dinner for my actual birthday. I have to figure out how we can manage that one. Ashley has to stay after school for basketball and Britney has to go back to school for band rehearsal. Not sure how the heck we can manage to go out to dinner, but we will figure something out, I suppose.
Well, it is now almost 12:30 and I suppose I really should try to get some sleep tonight. I'm considering sleeping my birthday away. Maybe I'll stay in bed all day?!? Yeah, like I could do that. LOL Good night!
When Did She Grow Up?
Well, we finally bought Britney her first car. I can't help but wonder when she grew up from that little girl that I remember so well? It's pretty scary. I guess bittersweet is really the right word for it. I'm excited for her and for all of the new things ahead for her and even for our relationship. But, at the same time, I miss my baby! Sigh..... Life marches on whether you are ready for it to or not, I guess.
So, tomorrow is my birthday! Yippee!! Not! LOL Tonight we are having my birthday dinner here at he house. I'm sure it will be nice, even if I'm not real into having everyone over for my birthday. I tend to miss Mom a lot on my birthday. I am excited to see Branden tonight though. I haven't seen him in a few weeks and he grows so fast these days! I will, of course, take tons of pictures. LOL
This weekend coming up will be a crazy one. Football game Friday night. The girls have PSAT's on Saturday morning. Brit has a competition Saturday afternoon and into the night. Sunday is Branden's christening, but the dumbass band director also through another competition in for that day. We are pissed about that!! Tony, Jen & Gian are coming up for the weekend for the christening. I'm excited to see Gian, but won't get much time with him! Ugh!! I honestly can not wait until competition season is over this year!
Well, going to put some pictures of Britney and her new car in this post now!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Guess Who's Awake Late Again......
Yes, that would be me! I'm up again and it's after 12:30am. I hate insomnia. Nothing wrong this evening, but I'm wide awake! Ugh!!!
Just finished watching Underworld with Britney and now she has headed to bed. Pat works tomorrow, so he went to bed hours ago! Ashley is away for the night. So, all is quiet here now and I'm the only one still up and about. Watching True Blood on HBO now, but it's the rerun from this past week. Sigh.... Nothing much on besides that.
Football game this evening was another blowout. We didn't go because it was away and all the way in Ocean City, but the band had to go, so Brit was there. We are still undefeated for the season. Competition this week is on Sunday since there is no school on Monday. It should be a quicker one that usual as there aren't as many bands there this weekend. Glad that we are getting a bit of a break this weekend anyway. It was very needed.
I had a nice night with Pat. After we dropped Brit at the school for the game and Ashley at her friends, we went to some stores and went to eat. It was a very nice time. I got all of my birthday presents. LOL Yeah, sucks some to know everything you are getting, but at the same time at least I do get what I want. LOL We are having the family over on Wednesday night for dinner and cake. My birthday is actually on Thursday, but that is a band rehearsal night, so no time for people over that night. I personally could care less about having people over for my birthday, but Pat likes to do it, so I let him have his fun. LOL
Well, I guess I should think about attempting sleep or something. Most likely the "or something" will win out at this point. LOL
Just finished watching Underworld with Britney and now she has headed to bed. Pat works tomorrow, so he went to bed hours ago! Ashley is away for the night. So, all is quiet here now and I'm the only one still up and about. Watching True Blood on HBO now, but it's the rerun from this past week. Sigh.... Nothing much on besides that.
Football game this evening was another blowout. We didn't go because it was away and all the way in Ocean City, but the band had to go, so Brit was there. We are still undefeated for the season. Competition this week is on Sunday since there is no school on Monday. It should be a quicker one that usual as there aren't as many bands there this weekend. Glad that we are getting a bit of a break this weekend anyway. It was very needed.
I had a nice night with Pat. After we dropped Brit at the school for the game and Ashley at her friends, we went to some stores and went to eat. It was a very nice time. I got all of my birthday presents. LOL Yeah, sucks some to know everything you are getting, but at the same time at least I do get what I want. LOL We are having the family over on Wednesday night for dinner and cake. My birthday is actually on Thursday, but that is a band rehearsal night, so no time for people over that night. I personally could care less about having people over for my birthday, but Pat likes to do it, so I let him have his fun. LOL
Well, I guess I should think about attempting sleep or something. Most likely the "or something" will win out at this point. LOL
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Random Acts of Kindness
As bad as I was feeling last night, I feel that much better today. It is shocking what a small gesture of kindness can do to a person's mood for the day.
I was out of the house bright and early this morning and at Shoprite by 8am. I had a few things to pick up that turned into $60 worth! LOL I never go in and get just what I went for. LOL So, on my way home I decided to run through the McDonald's drive through and grab an egg mcmuffin for something different. I get up to the window to pay and the guy proceeds to tell me that the guy in front of me paid for mine too?!? I was dumbfounded. I said "you're kidding, right?" to the guy at the window and he assured me that he was not. I did not even know the person in front of me. All I know was that it was some guy in a white pick up truck. He didn't stop or slow down to wait for me to thank him or anything. It was just a random act of kindness and it made my day completely. I know $2 for breakfast isn't a huge deal, but the fact that some stranger would just do that for no reason has put a new perspective on my day. I was feeling so down and low when I left the house this morning. In Shoprite I felt myself tearing up for no apparent reason as I walked around. It was like this guy knew that I was down and needed a boost today and his act did that for me. Now, I need to pay it forward and definitely plan to do something for someone else first chance I get! :)
There is hope in this world still! :)
I was out of the house bright and early this morning and at Shoprite by 8am. I had a few things to pick up that turned into $60 worth! LOL I never go in and get just what I went for. LOL So, on my way home I decided to run through the McDonald's drive through and grab an egg mcmuffin for something different. I get up to the window to pay and the guy proceeds to tell me that the guy in front of me paid for mine too?!? I was dumbfounded. I said "you're kidding, right?" to the guy at the window and he assured me that he was not. I did not even know the person in front of me. All I know was that it was some guy in a white pick up truck. He didn't stop or slow down to wait for me to thank him or anything. It was just a random act of kindness and it made my day completely. I know $2 for breakfast isn't a huge deal, but the fact that some stranger would just do that for no reason has put a new perspective on my day. I was feeling so down and low when I left the house this morning. In Shoprite I felt myself tearing up for no apparent reason as I walked around. It was like this guy knew that I was down and needed a boost today and his act did that for me. Now, I need to pay it forward and definitely plan to do something for someone else first chance I get! :)
There is hope in this world still! :)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Another Late Night
Well, it is after midnight and here I sit again. I just can't seem to find a way to sleep. Of course, this is nothing new for me, but I do admit that I am quite frustrated over it. Maybe it's because life never seems to slow down. Maybe it's because I miss Mom. Maybe it's because I have had insomnia since I was 14. Maybe it's because I want to scream all of the time? Hmmmm, I suppose it could be all of those things wrapped up in one.
Lately I have felt like I have nobody to talk to. Life has rushed forward and I sometimes feel as if I have been left behind somehow. I am frustrated.
My father said something to me the other day that really hurt my feelings and I think since then it has been eating at me a lot more than I thought. I tend to try to let things go because it is just dad and he has always been this way. I have done my best since becoming adult to take what he says with a grain of salt and move on. As a kid, what he said I hung on to and let it affect me greatly. I felt I was past that, but now I find myself falling into old habits. He is closest to me & my family now that Mom has left us, but he still manages to say hurtful things without blinking an eye. I truly think he doesn't see that what he says might hurt me, so I do try my best to let it go and ignore it. Ugh!! Guess that is what I need to do this time again. I guess it was just like such a slap in the face to me that I was shocked and stunned about it all. Sigh..... Oh well, life will find a way to trudge forward as it has for the past few years now.
On a good note... I am looking forward to this weekend. The girls are off Friday & Monday from school, so that is a welcome break. Of course, band is still full force all weekend. Football game Friday night, UofD on Saturday and a competition on Sunday. Britney has opted out of the UofD thing on Saturday. I don't blame her, but I hope it doesn't come back to bite her in the butt later. Director didn't make it mandatory though and about 1/2 the band has opted to not go. They all need a break, so I do not blame them a bit really.
Hope I can sleep in a bit those 4 days (if I sleep, of course)!
Well, I guess I need to go try to sleep. Last night I didn't go in until 1am and Pat was worried about me. It's now 12:15am, so I'm sure he will be worried yet again. Wish he would stop worrying so much!! LOL
Ciao
Lately I have felt like I have nobody to talk to. Life has rushed forward and I sometimes feel as if I have been left behind somehow. I am frustrated.
My father said something to me the other day that really hurt my feelings and I think since then it has been eating at me a lot more than I thought. I tend to try to let things go because it is just dad and he has always been this way. I have done my best since becoming adult to take what he says with a grain of salt and move on. As a kid, what he said I hung on to and let it affect me greatly. I felt I was past that, but now I find myself falling into old habits. He is closest to me & my family now that Mom has left us, but he still manages to say hurtful things without blinking an eye. I truly think he doesn't see that what he says might hurt me, so I do try my best to let it go and ignore it. Ugh!! Guess that is what I need to do this time again. I guess it was just like such a slap in the face to me that I was shocked and stunned about it all. Sigh..... Oh well, life will find a way to trudge forward as it has for the past few years now.
On a good note... I am looking forward to this weekend. The girls are off Friday & Monday from school, so that is a welcome break. Of course, band is still full force all weekend. Football game Friday night, UofD on Saturday and a competition on Sunday. Britney has opted out of the UofD thing on Saturday. I don't blame her, but I hope it doesn't come back to bite her in the butt later. Director didn't make it mandatory though and about 1/2 the band has opted to not go. They all need a break, so I do not blame them a bit really.
Hope I can sleep in a bit those 4 days (if I sleep, of course)!
Well, I guess I need to go try to sleep. Last night I didn't go in until 1am and Pat was worried about me. It's now 12:15am, so I'm sure he will be worried yet again. Wish he would stop worrying so much!! LOL
Ciao
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