I know, I know.....

I know, so much for staying on top of blogging. It's now August! Oh well, do the best I can. Some day, maybe I will actually keep up with something. Doesn't seem that I keep up with much these days!

Missing Mom a lot right now. Just a lot going on in life and when things get tough and I get down, I miss Mom so much more! Missing my mother-in-law a lot right now too. It all really sucks! Sigh...

Girls are doing good. Both working at Wawa (different ones). Making decent money and getting good hours. Britney starts tech school on September 8th. Ashley doesn't go back to school until September 20th. She is a senior this year and our final one! Very bittersweet!

Guess I just don't have much to say, or all I would be saying would be depressing and I have said all along that I will not turn this blog into a big depression thing! So, I will end this here. Going to head to bed soon anyway. Tired tonight, not that I will sleep anyway. Ugh!!

Good night!

June

Yes, it is June and I have not posted in my blog since September. I am soooooo bad about this. I always say I will do better, but truth is, we all know better!

I'm sure tons has happened since September, so no sense trying to even remember the last months. Moving forward. June, June, June.

Britney graduates in less than 2 weeks. Can not believe she is going out into the real world now. Where has the time gone?!? Wasn't she just a little girl last week?? Sure seems like it. On top of her graduating, I will also have a senior again. Ashley already had senior pictures taken at school. Unbelievable!!!

Wednesday night is Senior Showcase. Brit will be singing a couple of times that I know of. Saturday is chorus banquet. We have had banquets, concerts, etc... over the last few weeks as well. It has been non stop lately. She will graduate on the 17th and we are having a big bbq party for her on the 19th. I think I will finally breathe on the 20th. Ha Ha

Right now I am working on organization in my home. I am trying to get back into being organized, neat, tidy, etc... Not that my house is a mess, because it definitely isn't, but there is some clutter that I can do without in my life. Also tired of my old decorations, so planning to get rid of them and replace knick knack shelves with pictures. Much more tidy.

I am very excited. I just got a movie ticket for 10 cents. I am making hubby take me to a movie tomorrow. Ha ha. I love promotions when I catch them on time. :) That will make 2 movies in 2 weeks for us. We went to see Nightmare on Elm Street last week. Now we are going to see Letters to Juliet. I love date night with Pat! :)

Well I am off to do some more stuff around the house. Will put dinner in the oven in a little bit as well. Busy, busy, busy!

Happy June!!

So much.....

There is so much going on at the moment! Not sure I even know where to start. Hmmm, when is the last time I posted?

Anyway, came home from NC a few weeks ago to find out my dad was in an accident on the day we were driving home. Got that news 3 hours from NJ! Ugh!! Luckily, it was very minor. Turns out he passed out behind the wheel. He wasn't really hurt, but did end up at the hospital, thankfully. They did all kinds of tests on him and found out it was heart related. He had some blockages. They took care of them and also put a pacemaker in. So, on top of just finishing up cancer treatments, he has heart problems!! Ugh!!! Luckily, he is doing well now.

Band camp was the last two weeks, so Britney has been very busy. I took a lot of pictures of it all. Can't believe it was her last band camp ever! I really do have a senior now. It has hit me. They start school on September 14th. A week late due to work being done in the elementary schools. They took away all of our one day Monday holidays basically so we are still supposed to get out on time in June. That is unless we get some dreaded snow days. Let's hope not!!

I got a new puppy the other day. I know, I know... like I needed another dog. I just couldn't resist. She is my early birthday present! LOL She is a Havanese. I also joined the breeding program for the lady I get my dogs from. Should be an interesting and fun adventure! Anyway, the puppies name is Zoey.

I am very sad! My childhood best friend Nancy is in the hospital. She is 23 weeks pregnant with triplets. The first baby was just born! :( They are hoping the other two hold out at least another week or so, but it's not looking good. The first baby is in the NICU now.

Nancy just lost a baby last year. Nancy has had to go through invitro to even get pregnant. She had her first son 7 years ago and had been trying for the last 4 years or so again to get pregnant. Last year she lost her little girl in utero after carrying her for almost 6 months. :( Now this! I am hoping that the babies and Nancy are all ok in the end!!

An unusually cool evening

It is absolutely beautiful out tonight. August 6th and it's in the 60's tonight. Loving it. I turned the air off and opened the windows. Even lit some yummy smelling candles! Just a perfect night it seems.

I can't believe it is already August though. Kids will be back in school before we even know it. I have a senior now! That will take some serious getting used to! Before long we will all be moving on to the next phase of life.

We are heading to NC this weekend to see Tony, Jen & Gian! It will be nice to see them again. Can't wait to kiss Gian's sweet little face!! Love my grandson! :)

We are seriously considering buying a house in NC sooner rather than later. We really want to retire there and with the house prices so low at the moment, now would be the idea time to purchase one. We do plan to look while there. I have found several that I like a lot! We shall see! :)

I have been slacking on my reading. Hoping to get back into it very soon. Probably when school starts again for the girls. Working on The Vampire Diaries book 3 at the moment. But, I have been working on that for months. LOL I'm so far behind. I haven't spent any time in my craft room either in forever. I guess I got bored with what I was doing. LOL

Having dinner & cake for Dad's birthday tomorrow night. His birthday is next week on the 11th, but we will be in NC that day, so doing it tomorrow. Dad is doing ok for the most part. He has chemo in his body still and will for another year or so for preventative reasons, so he still has days where he isn't feeling the greatest.

Well, off for now. Who knows when I'll post again since obviously I don't do it regularly. Hopefully soon though!

Summer flying....

Summer is flying by it seems!! Can't believe it's almost August. I haven't written here in so long. Guess life has just been too hectic.

Good news... Dad is in remission! Looks like for now, he has beat his cancer. What a relief that was!! It was like such a weight has been lifted!!

Britney is back in band already. Can not believe she is now starting her senior year activities! Ashley has been working a lot this summer. She sure likes the money anyway. LOL

Britney's big pageant was this past weekend. She did very well and we are very proud of her. She placed in and won some categories! She didn't win the title, but it seems that this is the type of pageant that you need to do several times before it's your "turn" to win! Not sure we would do it again, but it was an experience and Brit met some nice people!

We are heading to NC in a couple of weeks to visit Tony, Jen & Gian! They are buying a house and will be in it by then. Can't wait to see their new house. It sounds wonderful. I am very proud of them and all they are accomplishing. Gian is growing into a wonderful little boy!! :)

Looks like we are about to get storms, so I guess it is best to get off of here now. Just figured it was time for an update. :)

Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel.....

It has been a very rough few weeks here. Pat's father passed away on March 18th. Funeral was held March 23rd. My Aunt Carol passed away on March 24th, funeral was on the 28th. All of this after my dad's news of his cancer! I didn't think things could get worse after his reveal, but we had a couple of weeks after that proving that it was possible for things to take a nose dive even more.

Fog has cleared a bit now and good news came with the lifting of the fog. Dad's cancer is not in his bones. So, not as bad as originally thought. Still cancer, yes, but doctor feels it can be beat and Dad plans to beat it. So, for now, I will remain optimistic! :)

Gian's christening and first birthday bash was on the 29th. Was a looooooong day, but fun. He is such a wonderful little boy. I am so glad they were able to come back to NJ to celebrate with everyone! Miss them!

Now trying to get back into the swing of "normal" life. (whatever normal is). Britney has a lot of performance things coming up so she needs to pick and start working on songs. Big pageant this summer, so we are working on getting ready for that too now. Could use some sponsorship for that one, but the way the economy is, I feel bad asking anyone to contribute. Sigh... Oh well, we will figure it out.

Guess that's it from me for now. Dad is coming over for dinner (early) and then Ashley has to go to work.

Completely losing it!!!!

Well, it's official... I'm completely losing it. I can not get myself together anymore. A total breakdown is on the horizon and I can feel myself sinking so fast in a black sea. Treading, but tiring fast.

Dad told us on Saturday that he has cancer. I am devastated. He said it's bad and really not looking good at all! He has known for 3 months, but wanted to spare us all because of us just watching Mom die 3 years ago of cancer. He had to finally tell us as it's worse than he had thought and hoped. It has spread quickly and is beyond surgery already. He is being put on some drug for it and being set up for radiation at this point. He will go for a bone scan and CAT scan on Monday, the 23rd. If it shows up in his bones, as the doctor believes it is, it is basically it for him. Will be a waiting for him to die game then and that's it!

I just can't deal with this again. I am such a mess right now. I am holding it together for everyone's sake on the outside, but inside I am dying already! I have never recovered from losing Mom and I know I will not recover if I lose Dad this soon now! Mom was only 59 when she left us and Dad is only 63 now!!!!!! Why is this happening? What did I do in my life that warrants so much pain???? Someone told me that God only gives us as much as we can handle. Well, if this is true he overestimates my abilities to handle things!! I had a nervous breakdown after Mom died. How am I supposed to go on if I lose Dad now??????? I am so angry, hurt, numb, etc... I will never be the same!!!!!!!!!!

I got so mad today after hearing someone say how hard it must be on my youngest brother since he is the baby..... What???? Of course it is hard on him, it's hard on my older brother and it's hard on me!! Nobody has a damn clue what losing Mom did to me. I always did my best to stay strong for everyone else, but behind closed doors I was and am still a mess. I suffer from depression which I have fought my entire life but after Mom died, it spiralled out of control forcing me to lose my mind and do things I would have never done under normal circumstances! Nobody has a damn clue or care!!!! I'm so scared for what may come if I lose Dad. It's hard enough holding it together just knowing what he is going through now, but if it comes to losing him I know I won't be able to do it!!!! I can see myself being admitted to a mental ward! I know if I sink this time, I will drown for sure! How am I supposed to do this????