Have not posted in here in forever. I tried a paid blog for about a year which is probably why. I don't write enough to justify paying so here I am again to write sometimes or not....
Things suck. My Dad has passed away. He died on March 20th. He was only 72!! So I lost my Mom when she was only 59 and my Dad 12 years later at 72. It truly sucks. I did not expect to have no parents left at my age.
I am trying so hard to be ok and not completely fall apart, but this is so hard. I never imagined it would be this hard. I thought I was more prepared this time, but quickly realized there is no such thing as being prepared to lose your parent. I talked to Dad almost daily. The realization that those calls will no longer come and that I can no longer call him is very tough!
I miss my Dad so much!!!
Anyway, that's it for now.......
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
2 years 5 months later
So my last blog post had said that it could be months before I would write again. 2 years and 5 months later here I am. Ha ha ha
Wish I could say I would get better at this and I always have such good intentions but then I just do not do it. Follow through seems to be a rough thing for me. I don't remember being like this when I was younger. I followed through with everything. I was among top percent of my high school class, involved in many activities, had jobs that I was good at, etc...... Not sure where I started to go wrong. Although I am still a very reliable person. Just not good at keeping up with writing like I should.
By now I was supposed to have published a book. Maybe two, three or even more published. I kept telling everyone that when we retired I would definitely do it. Here we are 1 1/2 years into retirement and that book is still a distant goal. Perhaps someday (I will keep telling myself that). My daughter even commented on something a week or so ago that I had put on Facebook about how I needed to make the goal of being published a reality. Like I said.... maybe someday.
So Pat retired in October of 2014. We then relocated to North Carolina from New Jersey that November. I love my house here in NC. Picked out and decorated by us. First house I have actually ever gotten to pick out in my life and completely decorate. When Pat and I got together he already had a house that his parents actually helped pick out. As great as it was raising our kids there and living there for 20 years, I never felt it was truly mine. I didn't pick out the rugs, floors, etc.... I didn't pick the house in any way at all. Now, I had all of the say in this house. Pat was good about that. He knew what I wanted and he made sure he got it for me. We may have gone a bit bigger than necessary, but it's an awesome house! Have I mentioned how much I love my husband yet in this post? If not, well there it is. He is the absolute best!! He would have to be to put up with me the way he does. I am not the easiest person in the world to love. Ha ha
So anyway, here we are, retired & living in NC. It's a nice, quiet existence. For example right now I have soothing spa music playing in the house, windows are all wide open, sun is shining, birds are chirping and I am very relaxed. Pat is at his part time job. He decided to take a part time job even though he is now retired just so we would have some extra spending money. He is awesome and that job enables us to eat out much more than I have to cook. Ha ha Can't beat that!!
We are so lucky to have 3 of our 5 kids here too. When we were planning the move only Tony & his family were here. The girls both ended up coming too when we moved which made us very happy. We do miss our remaining kids, grandkids & other family that are in NJ, but luckily, NJ is only a 6 hour drive for us. We are empty nesters now as none of our kids are living at home. It's definitely a bit strange, especially when we chose such a big house. But the house is great for entertaining and having all of the family over. We were also very happy that my brother, Kevin, his wife & their little girl decided to relocate here as well about 7 months ago or so. Our family in NC is growing!
So more stuff from the last 2 years and 5 months that has happened since my last post on the blog....
We have a new granddaughter. Her name is Natalie and she was born this past November. She is adorable. Sadly we have not gotten to meet her in person yet as she is in NJ and we did not get back there over the winter. We do plan to go very soon now that the weather is breaking. No way were we travelling during the winter to NJ where they had snow. We hate snow. But I can not wait to hold that sweet little girl!
My brother Kevin & his wife Julie had a little girl. Her name is Lorelai and they gave her our Mom's middle name of Merilyn. She is about 19 months old now. Love her to death. Such a smart, sweet little girl. All of our other grandkids are growing like weeds. Our oldest turns 8 next week! Unbelievable!
Anyone who knows me knows that I was always obsessed with my bird feeders and watching birds on them, taking photos, etc.... Well I decided it was a great idea since I loved birds so much to get a couple in house birds. I have now been the proud owner of two conures for the past almost 2 years. They are something else. Some days I feel like my nerves may be shot with their constant "yelling" (they are doing it right now). But I adore them just the same. They are so cool. I love their quieter sounds they make and love how they will mimic sounds I make. They say that they can be taught some words but so far mine refuse to speak that way. It's ok, they are still cute. Ha ha
We lost our oldest dog, Patch, a few months ago. He was 15. It was so sad and I still find myself many days thinking about him and getting sad all over again. We still have 3 dogs (Bella, Rajah & Zoey). Bella is 10 now, Rajah is turning 9 this month and Zoey will be 7 in June. Love all of my animal babies. Thinking of adding a Bengal cat next. Ha ha ha Yep, let's just turn my big house into a zoo since it's void of people. Ha ha
My husband had a heart attack this past August. Was the very worst thing in the world. We were all so scared. We never saw it coming. He and I had been working really hard at getting healthy and had both lost around 40 pounds through changing our eating habits and lots of exercise. Then one morning.... BOOM! After all was said and done the doctor told us that had I not gotten him to the hospital when I did (we weren't really 100% sure he was having a heart attack at the time or something else), he would have died that day! He had a 100% blockage in one of his main arteries and some other blockages in others. Happy to say he is doing very well now.
My father has also been giving us quite the scare this past year. He has had two heart attacks in the last 6 months or so. His cancer has also returned and now we are waiting on results to see if his treatments for that worked or not. For those that pray, I would appreciate prayers for my Dad. For those that do not pray, good thoughts always appreciated. Hoping the treatments worked and hoping his heart will get stronger after the heart attacks.
Well that is the short version of the catch up for the last couple of years. I know I have missed tons, but I'm sure I will catch up with all of that too at some point. Some stories aren't mine to tell either with the catch up on the last years.
I have challenged myself to read more this year. I had originally given myself a goal of 25 books for 2016. However, I have now read 16 already in 2016 so thinking I will crush that goal. I have been enjoying my reading. Now if I could just get on track with my writing that would be great!
Write later and hopefully that doesn't mean a couple of years later..... Ha ha ha ha ha
Wish I could say I would get better at this and I always have such good intentions but then I just do not do it. Follow through seems to be a rough thing for me. I don't remember being like this when I was younger. I followed through with everything. I was among top percent of my high school class, involved in many activities, had jobs that I was good at, etc...... Not sure where I started to go wrong. Although I am still a very reliable person. Just not good at keeping up with writing like I should.
By now I was supposed to have published a book. Maybe two, three or even more published. I kept telling everyone that when we retired I would definitely do it. Here we are 1 1/2 years into retirement and that book is still a distant goal. Perhaps someday (I will keep telling myself that). My daughter even commented on something a week or so ago that I had put on Facebook about how I needed to make the goal of being published a reality. Like I said.... maybe someday.
So Pat retired in October of 2014. We then relocated to North Carolina from New Jersey that November. I love my house here in NC. Picked out and decorated by us. First house I have actually ever gotten to pick out in my life and completely decorate. When Pat and I got together he already had a house that his parents actually helped pick out. As great as it was raising our kids there and living there for 20 years, I never felt it was truly mine. I didn't pick out the rugs, floors, etc.... I didn't pick the house in any way at all. Now, I had all of the say in this house. Pat was good about that. He knew what I wanted and he made sure he got it for me. We may have gone a bit bigger than necessary, but it's an awesome house! Have I mentioned how much I love my husband yet in this post? If not, well there it is. He is the absolute best!! He would have to be to put up with me the way he does. I am not the easiest person in the world to love. Ha ha
So anyway, here we are, retired & living in NC. It's a nice, quiet existence. For example right now I have soothing spa music playing in the house, windows are all wide open, sun is shining, birds are chirping and I am very relaxed. Pat is at his part time job. He decided to take a part time job even though he is now retired just so we would have some extra spending money. He is awesome and that job enables us to eat out much more than I have to cook. Ha ha Can't beat that!!
We are so lucky to have 3 of our 5 kids here too. When we were planning the move only Tony & his family were here. The girls both ended up coming too when we moved which made us very happy. We do miss our remaining kids, grandkids & other family that are in NJ, but luckily, NJ is only a 6 hour drive for us. We are empty nesters now as none of our kids are living at home. It's definitely a bit strange, especially when we chose such a big house. But the house is great for entertaining and having all of the family over. We were also very happy that my brother, Kevin, his wife & their little girl decided to relocate here as well about 7 months ago or so. Our family in NC is growing!
So more stuff from the last 2 years and 5 months that has happened since my last post on the blog....
We have a new granddaughter. Her name is Natalie and she was born this past November. She is adorable. Sadly we have not gotten to meet her in person yet as she is in NJ and we did not get back there over the winter. We do plan to go very soon now that the weather is breaking. No way were we travelling during the winter to NJ where they had snow. We hate snow. But I can not wait to hold that sweet little girl!
My brother Kevin & his wife Julie had a little girl. Her name is Lorelai and they gave her our Mom's middle name of Merilyn. She is about 19 months old now. Love her to death. Such a smart, sweet little girl. All of our other grandkids are growing like weeds. Our oldest turns 8 next week! Unbelievable!
Anyone who knows me knows that I was always obsessed with my bird feeders and watching birds on them, taking photos, etc.... Well I decided it was a great idea since I loved birds so much to get a couple in house birds. I have now been the proud owner of two conures for the past almost 2 years. They are something else. Some days I feel like my nerves may be shot with their constant "yelling" (they are doing it right now). But I adore them just the same. They are so cool. I love their quieter sounds they make and love how they will mimic sounds I make. They say that they can be taught some words but so far mine refuse to speak that way. It's ok, they are still cute. Ha ha
We lost our oldest dog, Patch, a few months ago. He was 15. It was so sad and I still find myself many days thinking about him and getting sad all over again. We still have 3 dogs (Bella, Rajah & Zoey). Bella is 10 now, Rajah is turning 9 this month and Zoey will be 7 in June. Love all of my animal babies. Thinking of adding a Bengal cat next. Ha ha ha Yep, let's just turn my big house into a zoo since it's void of people. Ha ha
My husband had a heart attack this past August. Was the very worst thing in the world. We were all so scared. We never saw it coming. He and I had been working really hard at getting healthy and had both lost around 40 pounds through changing our eating habits and lots of exercise. Then one morning.... BOOM! After all was said and done the doctor told us that had I not gotten him to the hospital when I did (we weren't really 100% sure he was having a heart attack at the time or something else), he would have died that day! He had a 100% blockage in one of his main arteries and some other blockages in others. Happy to say he is doing very well now.
My father has also been giving us quite the scare this past year. He has had two heart attacks in the last 6 months or so. His cancer has also returned and now we are waiting on results to see if his treatments for that worked or not. For those that pray, I would appreciate prayers for my Dad. For those that do not pray, good thoughts always appreciated. Hoping the treatments worked and hoping his heart will get stronger after the heart attacks.
Well that is the short version of the catch up for the last couple of years. I know I have missed tons, but I'm sure I will catch up with all of that too at some point. Some stories aren't mine to tell either with the catch up on the last years.
I have challenged myself to read more this year. I had originally given myself a goal of 25 books for 2016. However, I have now read 16 already in 2016 so thinking I will crush that goal. I have been enjoying my reading. Now if I could just get on track with my writing that would be great!
Write later and hopefully that doesn't mean a couple of years later..... Ha ha ha ha ha
Monday, October 7, 2013
October October October
Guess what.... It's October! Like my subject line didn't give that away? Not like nobody knows anyway.
October is usually the beginning of the difficult months for me with missing Mom. My birthday is next week and I try hard to look forward to it and enjoy my "birthday month", but I do find myself slowly slipping down. It sucks!! I do have to say that I am quite proud of myself as most of the time those bad, sad, feelings do not last for a long length of time like they used to. They used to consume me from October through February, but now I have moments instead of days, weeks, months. Definitely a positive improvement.
I feel bad that I do not write in this blog much. But then again nobody reads it so no real reason to feel bad. Ha ha
There has been so much going on lately. I am finding myself exhausted (not that it means I sleep much). Lots of great things and then some bad too of course. It can never seem to be all good and there is always stress in life. Keep hoping that once Pat retires in 2014 and once everything is over (graduations, weddings, retirement, hopefully moving) maybe then the stress will all just lift like a fog and finally life will be 99% great! One can hope anyway, right?!?
There are so many changes going on around me and even with me. Trying to decide if they are all good or not, but I guess in the end it is what it is and will turn out to be what needed to happen. Have had some friends basically walk out of my life lately for various reasons I suppose. I guess in the end if it was that easy to walk away perhaps they were never truly friends to begin with? Just hurts sometimes. I didn't do anything to any of them for them to walk away. Life just changed for some of them and I guess I wasn't important enough for them to keep me as part of their lives.
Then I came to many of my own conclusions about "friends". I put that in quotations as I have come to realize that some people that would call me a friend really aren't friends. They are acquaintances which is fine but I hate when people try to say that it's something it isn't.
So I am now making changes in my life when it comes to friendships and removing those that are one sided friends and only bother with me when it's convenient for them or they need something from me. Who needs that, right?!?
No place to go but up as far as I'm concerned.
I have a wonderful husband who is my very best friend. He retires in less than a year and I can't wait to spend my time with him every day. We make each other laugh, can talk for hours without it ever getting old, enjoy doing tons of stuff together, etc..... He supports me in anything I want to do. I could not ask for a better man. I love you Pat!!
Anyway, I am just rambling on about a nothing in particular. Just thought I would check in. Some day, when I'm gone maybe my kids will want to read this stuff so here it is. LOL!!! Until next time which could mean months down the road the way I go. LOL!!!
October is usually the beginning of the difficult months for me with missing Mom. My birthday is next week and I try hard to look forward to it and enjoy my "birthday month", but I do find myself slowly slipping down. It sucks!! I do have to say that I am quite proud of myself as most of the time those bad, sad, feelings do not last for a long length of time like they used to. They used to consume me from October through February, but now I have moments instead of days, weeks, months. Definitely a positive improvement.
I feel bad that I do not write in this blog much. But then again nobody reads it so no real reason to feel bad. Ha ha
There has been so much going on lately. I am finding myself exhausted (not that it means I sleep much). Lots of great things and then some bad too of course. It can never seem to be all good and there is always stress in life. Keep hoping that once Pat retires in 2014 and once everything is over (graduations, weddings, retirement, hopefully moving) maybe then the stress will all just lift like a fog and finally life will be 99% great! One can hope anyway, right?!?
There are so many changes going on around me and even with me. Trying to decide if they are all good or not, but I guess in the end it is what it is and will turn out to be what needed to happen. Have had some friends basically walk out of my life lately for various reasons I suppose. I guess in the end if it was that easy to walk away perhaps they were never truly friends to begin with? Just hurts sometimes. I didn't do anything to any of them for them to walk away. Life just changed for some of them and I guess I wasn't important enough for them to keep me as part of their lives.
Then I came to many of my own conclusions about "friends". I put that in quotations as I have come to realize that some people that would call me a friend really aren't friends. They are acquaintances which is fine but I hate when people try to say that it's something it isn't.
So I am now making changes in my life when it comes to friendships and removing those that are one sided friends and only bother with me when it's convenient for them or they need something from me. Who needs that, right?!?
No place to go but up as far as I'm concerned.
I have a wonderful husband who is my very best friend. He retires in less than a year and I can't wait to spend my time with him every day. We make each other laugh, can talk for hours without it ever getting old, enjoy doing tons of stuff together, etc..... He supports me in anything I want to do. I could not ask for a better man. I love you Pat!!
Anyway, I am just rambling on about a nothing in particular. Just thought I would check in. Some day, when I'm gone maybe my kids will want to read this stuff so here it is. LOL!!! Until next time which could mean months down the road the way I go. LOL!!!
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Loss & other things
We buried my Grandmom on Thursday. Was a very tough day and yet another one that made me realize how quickly a family can shrink. I have lost so many people in the past 9 years or so that it's just crazy. Of course, Grandmom's passing wasn't something we didn't expect considering she was 93 years old, but still never easy. She was the matriarch of my Mom's side of the family. I think part of me never believed she could actually die. But of course that is silly thinking and the reality of it all is that everyone does die eventually. Just so glad that she had such a long life unlike Mom did. They are together now creating chaos I am sure!! RIP Grandmom. You will be forever loved & missed!
As for the other things.............. I love my life! I have a wonderful husband who is my whole world. Awesome kids & grandkids. Yes, I am truly blessed despite the losses I have had in my life.
I have made the decision that my life is just too good to spend it miserable, depressed and harping on the losses in it. So I am adopting a new, positive attitude. Do not get me wrong, things will happen in life that will still make me sad, bring me down, challenge me, etc... but I am making the choice to meet those challenges head on with as positive as an outlook as I possibly can. I do know some things will be virtually impossible to be positive about, so at this point hoping none of those come my way any time soon again.
My positive note for the day, do not surround yourself with negative people or those full of drama. It just drains you in the end. Positive outlook on life gives you energy & makes you feel good. Embrace it!!
As for the other things.............. I love my life! I have a wonderful husband who is my whole world. Awesome kids & grandkids. Yes, I am truly blessed despite the losses I have had in my life.
I have made the decision that my life is just too good to spend it miserable, depressed and harping on the losses in it. So I am adopting a new, positive attitude. Do not get me wrong, things will happen in life that will still make me sad, bring me down, challenge me, etc... but I am making the choice to meet those challenges head on with as positive as an outlook as I possibly can. I do know some things will be virtually impossible to be positive about, so at this point hoping none of those come my way any time soon again.
My positive note for the day, do not surround yourself with negative people or those full of drama. It just drains you in the end. Positive outlook on life gives you energy & makes you feel good. Embrace it!!
Friday, March 15, 2013
Year and a half
Can't believe it's been about a year and a half since I actually wrote on here. I am so bad about this. I always promise to do better, but I know it won't happen. Maybe this time?!? LOL Doubt it!
So much has happened since the last time I wrote (October 2011). Britney graduated cosmetology school last June and is now working at a salon. She has moved out now too. My girl is all grown up. Wow!
Ashley is in her 2nd year of college and is engaged!! We are planning a wedding for September 2014. Unbelievable. Also all grown up!
Our oldest grandson, Gian will be 5 on Monday! Branden will be 5 in June. Tristan turned 3 in November. Nicco turned 3 in February and Neelie will be 2 in April! They are all growing up so fast.
Since the last time I wrote, I became a facilitator for Tapestries of Hope (will be referred to from now on as TOH). It has felt good to help others that have lost their Mom's over the last year or so. I enjoy giving back and helping others.
The loss of Mom still hurts and I have come to realize it always will. I have good & bad days which will always be the case. It was 7 years on February 19th that she has been gone now. Can't believe it has been that long already. Still feels like yesterday some days!
That past year or so has been quite a rollercoaster ride in so many ways. There have been a lot of changes in our lives. I am trying to accept that I do not always have control of things around me and I need to just let things be what they are. Not an easy one for a control freak like me. Well I am not a complete control freak, but I have major anxiety if things aren't just so. I'm a planner and I like to know that things are organized & falling where they should. I want to make sure my kids are on the right path, will be secure in their futures, etc..... But I can not control everything so I need to let it go and just breathe. There I go again, reminding myself to breathe!!
Well that is enough for now. It was a little update at least. I will do my best to post more often. Shall see how that goes. LOL
So much has happened since the last time I wrote (October 2011). Britney graduated cosmetology school last June and is now working at a salon. She has moved out now too. My girl is all grown up. Wow!
Ashley is in her 2nd year of college and is engaged!! We are planning a wedding for September 2014. Unbelievable. Also all grown up!
Our oldest grandson, Gian will be 5 on Monday! Branden will be 5 in June. Tristan turned 3 in November. Nicco turned 3 in February and Neelie will be 2 in April! They are all growing up so fast.
Since the last time I wrote, I became a facilitator for Tapestries of Hope (will be referred to from now on as TOH). It has felt good to help others that have lost their Mom's over the last year or so. I enjoy giving back and helping others.
The loss of Mom still hurts and I have come to realize it always will. I have good & bad days which will always be the case. It was 7 years on February 19th that she has been gone now. Can't believe it has been that long already. Still feels like yesterday some days!
That past year or so has been quite a rollercoaster ride in so many ways. There have been a lot of changes in our lives. I am trying to accept that I do not always have control of things around me and I need to just let things be what they are. Not an easy one for a control freak like me. Well I am not a complete control freak, but I have major anxiety if things aren't just so. I'm a planner and I like to know that things are organized & falling where they should. I want to make sure my kids are on the right path, will be secure in their futures, etc..... But I can not control everything so I need to let it go and just breathe. There I go again, reminding myself to breathe!!
Well that is enough for now. It was a little update at least. I will do my best to post more often. Shall see how that goes. LOL
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Guess Who Is Back.....
Guess who is back?!? Well, not necessarily but was talking about blogs tonight and figured I would come back and check mine out. ha ha Maybe I will stick around for awhile?!? We shall see. Update tomorrow on life since last post. :)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
It's That Time Again.....
Wondering how it's possible to be so happy and have so much joy in life, but still have those horrible moments of missing Mom. It starts for me every single year around my birthday (coming this weekend) and then follows me through the holidays, other birthdays (including Moms) and right to February for the anniversary of her passing. As each year passes, I think to myself that this is the year that it will be better. Then, BAM!!! There it is again, tormenting me just the same as the previous year!
I have so much to be thankful for and happy about, but this time of year I still can't shake the sadness that overtakes me. Wondering when this will end. Will this go on for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, forever?!? It has been almost 6 years now! It still feels like it was yesterday. :(
Time to remind myself to breathe...........
I have so much to be thankful for and happy about, but this time of year I still can't shake the sadness that overtakes me. Wondering when this will end. Will this go on for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, forever?!? It has been almost 6 years now! It still feels like it was yesterday. :(
Time to remind myself to breathe...........
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