February sucks!!!

I have not wanted to post on here in awhile. Heck, I haven't even wanted to talk to anyone in awhile.

The anniversary of Mom's death is two short days away. 3 years! Hard to believe it has been that long when it still stings as if it were yesterday. I'm still sooooo angry. I find myself wanting to scream, cuss, cry, punch, etc..... It's just not fair.

As usual, I do my best to not show these things so as to not "bother" anyone else with my sadness. I have been really angry lately over some things. Like over the fact that friends seem to have disappeared over the last 3 years. Hell, am I that bad that people can't even seem to stand being my friend any longer? Maybe I am, but many disappeared the day of the funeral and never even gave me a chance afterwards. Others have pulled away as time has gone on. Others claim to be my friend but are very one sided and love to talk all about their problems, their lives, etc.. and then conveniently have no more time when it's my turn. I guess that's normal for me though. I have always been the one to listen to everyone else and help them with problems while keeping mine to myself. Hell, I have been keeping my problems to myself since I was a kid. Why should that ever change? Of course I am not speaking of every friend, but truth be told, I don't share my sadness with ANY of them anymore over fear of chasing the few I may still have away. Yep, I'm better off being strong for them, listening to them, offering them advice and silently suffering. It's just easier, I suppose.

Anyway, I told myself that I would not turn this blog into a dreary, whining place which is why I haven't posted in awhile. I haven't had much to say that wasn't whiney. I decided to write today even if it is a bunch of whining because I need to get it out. I don't know any other way to get it out except in a post here. If you read my blog (not sure if anyone does or not) please feel free to skip this post if you want. Of course, maybe I should go back and put a disclaimer at the top of the post since if you read this far you already read plenty of whining.

So, some good things...... The girls did better on their report cards this past marking period. I was much happier about that and hope they continue to improve.
Britney isn't doing the school musical this year and so far hasn't found any other one to do as she said she was planning to. I admit that it's killing me. I long to see her on stage and it has been a very long time. Before long she won't even be a kid in school any longer and these times will be long gone. I wish she would see that and do something besides working! Ugh!!!
Ashley didn't do basketball either and I admit I even missed that this year. Same with her, wish she were doing something, anything.... Sigh......

I stopped biting my nails. Not by choice, but because all of a sudden one day I woke up and just couldn't do it anymore?!? I don't know why, all I know is that I can't do it. Now my nails are pretty long and I hate it. Sure they look pretty, but they get in my way. Typing is a pain and so it just about everything I do. Who the heck decided that women should have long fingernails?!?

So, I have been dieting since January. I have lost somewhere around 17 pounds I guess. It's a very long process and one that I admit I hate. I hate exercise and I hate not eating what I want, when I want it. I was never a huge eater anyway, so my weight gain over the years has just been due to eating wrong times, wrong things and probably not even eating enough. I used to pretty much only eat dinners. Now I force myself to eat all of the time and good things. But, the process is slow and frustrating and I hate it! I think I would rather be fat & happy.

We booked our first cruise. It is in July. Pretty excited about that, although of course after doing it I have come up with much better uses for all of that money. LOL Isn't that always the way?!?

Well, I guess that's enough for now. Probably have tons more I could put down here but the migraine's I keep getting make it hard to type for long periods of time which sucks since I have so much I would like to be typing (like more in my novel, poetry, etc....). Oh well, life goes on, right?!? Well for some it does anyway. :(