Tonight was the viewing for Eileen's Mom. Everything was beautifully done in purple and dragonflies. However, no matter how beautiful it all was, it does not change the fact that she is gone. Beautiful tributes are a wonderful thing, but it's all overshadowed by the pain of everyone in the room.
My heart breaks for Eileen and what she is going through. I know it all too well. I don't wish this pain on anyone! Standing on the other side of it this time, I realize that it's no better. I hurt tremendously for her. I want to take her pain away and make everything better. It's such a helpless feeling. I do not like seeing loved ones in pain like this. I never want anyone to have to feel the pain of losing their Mom and especially at such a young age. It's all so unfair. :(
I guess the best I can do is remind her to breathe. I still have to remind myself of that so many days. Now, I will remind her to breathe along with me. We now share a bond that I wish we did not. I wish she did not have to go through this!!
Breathe...................
Monday, August 22, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Tears
It has been awhile since I have written. I seem to go in spurts with things like this. I always think of things to write but then get sidetracked with other things.
Tonight, I write with a very heavy heart. I hurt so badly for my son, PJ, his wife, their children and all of my daughter-in-laws family. Unfortunately, she is going through what I did just 5 1/2 short years ago. The loss of her mother. Have I said lately that Cancer SUCKS???? If not, there it is. It sucks!!!!
Her Mom is home on hospice care and it could be any moment now, minutes, hours, days...... They all jumble together when you reach this point. I remember it all as if it were yesterday for me and the fact that she has to go through this now is just killing me. It has also brought back all of the raw emotions that I felt those 5 years ago.
Doing my best to be strong and be there for her, PJ and everyone. It is so hard though. I have the tools to get through this and hopefully help them through it too, but how easy it is to forget all of those tools when it is slapping you in the face like this. The tears I have cried tonight have been more than I have in awhile now. I cry for my daughter-in-law. I cry for her lovely Mom. I cry for those two babies that will grow up without their other MomMom. I cry for my son who is losing one of his mothers. I cry for the husband who will now have to learn how to live without his partner, just as my own Dad had to and still learns daily. I cry for a world that just is not fair. Loss is inevitable, but at such a young age, it is just a tragedy.
I am angry! Don't know who I am angry with, but angry all the same. I want to scream! It's after midnight, so I don't think screaming is an option. So, I sit here crying instead. Tears of sadness. Tears of total frustration. Tears of anger. Tears of loss. Tears that seem to never end. :(
Breathing in deep and yet another tear is racing down my cheek. So many tears............
Tonight, I write with a very heavy heart. I hurt so badly for my son, PJ, his wife, their children and all of my daughter-in-laws family. Unfortunately, she is going through what I did just 5 1/2 short years ago. The loss of her mother. Have I said lately that Cancer SUCKS???? If not, there it is. It sucks!!!!
Her Mom is home on hospice care and it could be any moment now, minutes, hours, days...... They all jumble together when you reach this point. I remember it all as if it were yesterday for me and the fact that she has to go through this now is just killing me. It has also brought back all of the raw emotions that I felt those 5 years ago.
Doing my best to be strong and be there for her, PJ and everyone. It is so hard though. I have the tools to get through this and hopefully help them through it too, but how easy it is to forget all of those tools when it is slapping you in the face like this. The tears I have cried tonight have been more than I have in awhile now. I cry for my daughter-in-law. I cry for her lovely Mom. I cry for those two babies that will grow up without their other MomMom. I cry for my son who is losing one of his mothers. I cry for the husband who will now have to learn how to live without his partner, just as my own Dad had to and still learns daily. I cry for a world that just is not fair. Loss is inevitable, but at such a young age, it is just a tragedy.
I am angry! Don't know who I am angry with, but angry all the same. I want to scream! It's after midnight, so I don't think screaming is an option. So, I sit here crying instead. Tears of sadness. Tears of total frustration. Tears of anger. Tears of loss. Tears that seem to never end. :(
Breathing in deep and yet another tear is racing down my cheek. So many tears............
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