17 years ago today I gave birth to my first beautiful daughter, Britney! She was perfect in every way and even began holding her head up at a day old. 17 years later she has grown into a beautiful young woman and I am very proud of her. She is beautiful, smart, talented and so very kind hearted. The young woman she has become is one that everyone flocks to because being around her makes everyone else happy.

Tomorrow morning she will take her road test for her license. It is hard to think of letting her drive off in her car alone, but I know it is all part of the letting go process. We do what we have to do and this will be no different.

So, happy birthday to my beautiful Britney! May you always be blessed and protected!

Here comes the rain

Raining again! Ugh! Sick of rain since it has done it a lot in the last weeks. It's also very chilly out. The kind of day where you want to stay in bed. I didn't though. LOL I took an Ambien last night to get sleep. I'm tired of insomnia and need to find ways to sleep. My lack of sleep even contributes to my weight, which sucks!! So, I had enough last night and broke down and took one even though it was a school night. The girls are great about getting up and going without me. I still woke up, but stayed in bed and texted them to make sure they were up and moving. All went well. I stayed in bed until about 9 and then had to get up because of a major coughing fit. I'm feeling like such crap today. Ugh!

Britney's birthday is on Sunday. Can't believe she will be 17 and driving. She goes for her road test on Monday morning. Very scary time for me as her mom, but a very exciting time for her! I'm sure she will do great as she is very responsible, but I know it will just add more stress and worry to my life. I can't help but wonder how my mom did this! LOL

I'm in the process of trying to plan Ashley's Sweet 16 party. We are having such a hard time finding a resonably priced place to rent. Everyone wants around $400 just to rent the hall. Ugh!! We figure once we add in the hall rental, food, etc... we are looking at a party that will cost over $1000, right after Christmas! Ashley keeps telling us to push it back some and she doesn't care if it's on her birthday or not. I would hate to do that though. Guess I care more than she does when it comes to that. I want her 16th to be special and since she was born 4 days after Christmas, most of her birthdays have been a flop! I don't want her 16th to be a flop, it needs to be memorable!

Oh well, I suppose things will fall into line at some point.

It's raining really good now. I was going to wander out to get the mail, but it's a bit messy at the moment out there. Guess I'll wait. Wish I was the kind of person that could nap, because that is what I would be doing right now. LOL

Nationals and more.........

The band had Nationals on Friday. So glad competition season is now over. We were exhausted this season! Anyway, we took 4th at Nationals which isn't bad at all! We were the highest NJ band in our group and also beat the band that beat us the week prior at Northern Championships. Just goes to show we should have won those as well if it weren't for one judge that had a preference for a marching drumline over a stationary one. Oh well, we know that our kids were on top of their game then and at Nationals. We are so proud of them!

It was really weird because as of Friday night, it was like a weight was lifted around here. Especially for Britney. She told Pat yesterday while they were out practicing paralell parking and stuff that she is so much more relaxed now that it's over. All of the stress seems to have disappeared now and she is back to being happy go lucky again. Thank goodness! I don't think my stress will lift until after Santa Breakfast in December, unfortunately!

Britney & Sarah are making cupcakes right now. Yum! Can't wait to have one. LOL Ashley is out and about at the moment. We are just relaxing and watching some football. It's been a pretty good Sunday here.

Mom's Things

Last night I had Dad over for dinner, which I do often so that is nothing new. He brought two big boxes with him of Mom's knick knacks, snowglobes, etc... I have yet to go through them. Mom loved snowglobes and I probably bought her 90% of the ones she had. I am planning to put all of her snowglobes out in my craft room where at the moment I have two empty shelves to fill. Was going to put dolls on them, but I think this would be better. He also told me he found their cake top from their wedding and a candle from the wedding. He is going to give those to me now as well. I love having Mom's things, but will be honest that it tends to make me sadder sometimes. Maybe it's just the initial having to go through the stuff and set it up. Hoping that is all it is anyway and that once I have things in their place the sadness will subside again.

I have been thinking about Mom a lot in the last month or so again. I'm not sure if it's the girls growing up and I'm sad that she isn't here to share this with me or what. Maybe it's band season because Mom's favorite thing was marching band when I was in high school. Heck, she even stayed with the band after I graduated for a couple of years back then. LOL She would be the biggest, loudest fan in the stands watching our band now! Sigh... Oh well, life goes on, right?

Well.....

It looks like we have a newly elected president. Hope he lives up to all the hype around him!

Moving on.........
I am feeling pretty down lately. Trying hard not to be, but for some reason it's here like a brick sitting on my chest. Not sure if it's just exhaustion from band season, the approaching holidays, etc..... but it is here. Sigh....

Not much to say, I guess since I would hate for this post to turn into a whining spell. LOL So, going to go now and do.............nothing at all. LOL

Northern States

Well we had Northern States Championships last night. We took 2nd and also won best music and best visual effects. We lost by less than a full point, so really nothing to be sorry of. The kids did a great job, as always! On to Nationals next week. Win or lose, we are all very proud of our wonderful kids!

Today we are all pretty much relaxing. Britney had an essay to finish up and she did that already. I think her and JD are supposed to hang out later.

I'm so glad the kids have several days off school this week. We could all use the break. Now, I just wish band season had ended for us when originally supposed to because that would mean the days off would be completely free. Unfortunately, they won't be now since there will be band practices and then Nationals on Friday!

Exhaustion setting in......

I definitely think my body is shutting down from total exhaustion now. The band season has been so grueling on parents & kids. We don't get a break at all this week. It started last night (Tuesday) with practices. Tonight we had the Halloween parade and party after, practice tomorrow night, football game Friday and then competition on Saturday. I would love to say we at least have Sunday off, but truth is, we don't! We won't be home from the Saturday competition until about 3am Sunday! So, by the time we get to bed we will sleep half of our Sunday away anyway! Ugh!!

Then, the decision to go to Nationals was made, so instead of this week being it for us, we are continuing on. I would never begrudge the kids this opportunity, but damn I am tired! Next week it will be practices and then Annapolis, MD on Friday for Nationals.

So, after competition season is finally over, I have to move forward with the Santa Breakfast stuff. I am feeling overly stressed over this one. I honestly did not ask to be in charge of this. It was dropped in my lap. I don't mind helping out all I can at these things, but to be in charge of organizing it, nope, not what I want to do! I didn't mind helping last year at all, but I did not want to be in charge of this huge fundraiser. It is very stressful and we all know I don't handle stress the best in the last few years! I tend to worry about it spiraling me out of control. I am doing my best to not let it, but the last few weeks, I have been feeling the breakdown coming. It's just the worst time of year for me, I think! I used to organize pageants with no problem, but things are so different in me now that organizing one frundraiser is driving me nuts!

I am honestly thinking about resigning from the board at the end of this school year. I hate to do it, but I'm honestly thinking it's best for my own sanity. I don't mind being part of the boosters and helping out all I can, but I don't think being on the board is for me. We shall see, but I am leaning towards doing that anyway.

Holidays are coming and even they are causing me stress this year. I usually do Thanksgiving and Christmas. It has just been that way. When Mom was alive, she helped or even took one and then I helped her instead. Since her passing, I have done both most of the time. Kevin has mentioned taking Thanksgiving this year, which would be fine, but he would need my help and I would still find myself doing a good portion of the holiday. Britney is in the Boscov's parade in Philly that morning as well. So, like last year, dinner will need to be pushed back to about 3pm instead of 1 like we used to do. The day after Thanksgiving we are planning to go to NC to visit Tony, Jen & Gian for a few days. Even that has me stressed now as both girls had commitments that came up for that weekend. Ashley has basketball tryouts that weekend and may not be able to get out of them which would mean leaving her behind that weekend! Britney was supposed to attend homecoming as an executive student council member or she would be kicked out of the organization. Luckily, she was able to straighten that one out and all is ok with her. I can not believe they even put homecoming on Thanksgiving weekend. How stupid is that???? So, the trip is going to be stressful if I have to leave Ashley behind for the weekend. We were supposed to go as a family, not minus one! Ugh!!!!

Britney had her driving test in a few weeks. Even that is stressing me out. Because of band season, we have not had any time at all to take her out and practice her parking or anything. She has driven, but needs some help with the parallel parking still. Now that band season has been extended again, that will take us up to the week before her test! Not sure one week is going to be enough and honestly, I worry about her failing her first try because of lack of practice and possibly her own nervousness! We added her car and her to our insurance which of course spiked our policy by quite a bit! Her father is supposed to help with it, but I won't hold my breathe. He was also supposed to help with buying her a car, but that never happened!

Seems like I'm in a bitching mood, so looks like I should rename this post the Bitch post. LOL Guess I just get like this when stressed!

On a positive note, the kids had a great time at the Halloween party tonight. It was great to see them all having a blast together for a change since they have worked so hard this season. Britney was excited today because she got the highest grade on a pshychology test today. She hung it on the fridge like she used to when she was little. It's cute! Ashley decided to go to the next two competitions as a band aide, so she will be travelling with the band. I think she missed doing it this year, even if she won't admit it. She was having a blast at the party tonight too. LOL Oh, the Phillies won the World Series tonight. I'm not a baseball fan, so I personally didn't care much. I did find myself watching it though and cheering them on. Even though I generally hate the Philadelphia teams! LOL Well, I hate the Eagles, but guess I won't take that out on the Phillies. LOL

Oh, also forgot to mention that yesterday, we gave Angel away. It was very hard to do after hand raising her for the last 5 years! It was necessary though. Her and Bella could not get along anymore and Angel is such a non-dog that she needed a home where she could be the center of attention and get all of the love. I found her what I feel will be a wonderful home with an older woman who lives alone, but has raised Shihtzu's in the past. Her last one died 4 years ago, but lived to be 19! She was a perfect fit for Angel and I know Angel will get tons of love and she deserved that. We had talked for awhile about trying to find her and possibly even Bella homes. I will miss her, but luckily the lady will also be keeping in touch with me and said she would send tons of pics in email as well. Now, if Bella doesn't knock her pushiness off, she will be finding a new home next. LOL Since Angel is gone, she may turn her dominating nature to Rajah and I will not have that at all! We shall see. She is a wonderful dog in every other way, but she has real issues with other female dogs for some reason! It's beginning to drive me nuts!

Okay, I think this post was long and boring enough so I guess I should possibly think about getting some sleep. Morning comes way too quickly these days. I need to pack some food for Britney for tomorrow. She has to stay after school and then has band at 6, so she will stay straight through. Usually she will go buy something, but I'm so sick of having to give her extra money all of the time because of band practices! I told her she can pack for a change. LOL Yep, I'm being a bitch! Truth is that band season breaks the bank here! And, I still have to buy my damn tickets for All States tomorrow at $13 each! At least I don't have to buy Ashley one now that she will be part of the band. LOL