The Good:
Our first granddaughter was born on Thursday night. Neelie entered the world at 6:51 pm on 4/14/11. She is perfect in every way. Such a stunning baby. Of course, I am quite biased and thought every single one of my grandbabies were perfect & stunning! She was 8lbs. 13 ozs. and 21 inches long. Precious little angel!!
Honestly, is there anything more precious than a baby?!?
I could look at that precious face forever and when I do, I feel such peace. Babies have a way of making the rest of the world a bit better. Now, if I could just carry the image of her precious face with me every moment of every day, I would not have a care in the world. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way.
I can be going along daily with nothing in particular bothering me and then out of the blue I find myself annoyed over the stupidest things. Yes, I know they are stupid, but allow myself to get caught up in them anyway. Why do I do that to myself??? Sometimes I wish there were a delete button in life. Yes, unfortunately there are people and things I would kill to press delete on. I wonder if that makes me a bad person?!? I have always prided myself on being a lot like my Mom, caring and compassionate. Some days though, I can't help but wonder am I truly those things?!? Perhaps stuff from my life has just made it impossible to always be those things?!? I don't know, but I do wish it was easier to feel caring and compassionate every minute of the day. I am trying!! I know, I know, I need to DO!!
I would love to ask my Mom how she managed to deal with things in life without it ever seeming as if she were overly stressed. I know she had to have had stress in her life, but she was so strong and never seemed to let it affect her. I wish I could be more like my Mom! I try hard to be, but I can't help but think I am failing miserably somedays.
Please don't get me wrong when reading this blog. I am not a 24/7 miserable person, although many of my entries would lead you to believe that. I guess I tend to write the most when I am feeling down, upset, made, frustrated. Writing has always been an outlet for me. I should try to write more when I am in a great mood so you would all know that I truly am not a miserable person. I am actually pretty funny, kind, silly, etc.. Just not when I write here it seems as I am usually writing out of frustration. I will try to do better. Story of my life... trying to do better!
2 comments:
Hey, Kim,
Is this lack of patience/tolerance of people new to you since your mom died? Sometimes, in the early stages of grief, we can find ourselves having so little tolerance for the bs in life that used to not affect us. I found myself having, in juxtaposition, less tolerance but more compassion (don't ask me to explain that one!), when I was early grieving. Just a thought. Of course, if you've always been like this....hmmm....!!
Ha ha ha... I don't think I have always been like this. The lack of tolerance/patience isn't for people necessarily new to my life since Mom's passing. I don't know how to describe it. Like you though, I do have much more compassion, just less patience or something. So, I do understand what you are talking about. I care very deeply for everyone (including those that seem to get on my nerves). ha ha So hard to explain these things. I just would hate for people to think I'm a miserable person because I truly am not....
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