Think before you speak!

I am wondering if some people just do not think before they speak (or type when it comes to the internet). A couple of days ago something was said to me that pretty much made me say "What the hell?!?". The more I think about it, the more I do think it was probably meant to be funny or a joke, but it just was not that way to me. Either I need to grow some very thick skin and not let things bother me, or people seriously need to think before they speak or type! I am always so careful when it comes to things like that. I never like to offend or hurt people, but it seems so many just do not care if they do it to others. It is very sad, actually. :(

On a much better note, the sun is shining again. Yay!! It is supposed to be in the high 40's today and then the next couple of days in the 60's. It's definitely a spring tease and then I'm sure we will be back to reality of winter again. I am definitely ready for spring though and so ready for February to be over.

3 more days until the 5th anniversary of Mom's passing. A very sad time. I try so hard to not let it affect me, but the reality of it is, I am affected every single day of my life by Mom's death.

It sucks! :( I cope, but it still hurts like hell!

We are still on the hunt for a new car for Ashley. There is just nothing reasonably priced out there that is in decent condition. Unbelievable what some people want for cars that have super high mileage on them already. I guess everyone is just out to get as much money as possible in this economy. Can't see how most are actually selling their cars though at this rate. I know I wouldn't pay too much for a vehicle that already has like 200,000 miles on it. Crazy! Ha Ha

I am still looking for the patience that I seem to lack these days. Not sure though if it's really me or if others just try my patience too much making me feel as if I have very little these days. Ok, probably a combination of both. I am always a person that puts up with so much though before I reach a breaking point. For some situations, I feel I am at that breaking point though. But, I will continue to try to find my patience instead of allowing myself to be broken. Some people tell me I am just too nice for my own good. Although, I have always felt being good was an excellent trait. These days I am seeing that being too good may not be as it tends to make people walk all over you just because they know they can! Ugh!!! Just not sure I am the kind that can have the F You attitude. Ha Ha Ha!!!! Sometimes wish I was though.

I am noticing that my entries here tend to jump all over the place. Is that a bad thing? Does it mean that I can't concentrate on one thing at a time. Probably, but guess that is me these days. I really wish I could come to my blog with one solid topic in mind and just write about that. It just rarely works out that way, even though I tend to start the blog with one thing in mind. Today it was thinking before you speak or type. Then again, I guess there is only so much you can say about that subject. Some people will never think before they speak or type. Some people just do not have it in them to worry about how their words could affect others. I am actually thankful that I am the kind of person that does try my hardest to take others into consideration before I say or type something. I credit that trait to my Mom. She was a peacemaker and such a sweet, nice woman. I don't think my Mom could have ever hurt a fly (ok, maybe a fly, but let's admit that they are kind of disgusting). Ha Ha!!! I am very proud to be a lot like my Mom. Hopefully I got the best traits from both of my parents to make me who I am today. Although Dad would say that the things I did get from him aren't exactly great things to have. hahaha

Anyway, to sum this all up. People, think before you speak or type please. You never know what your words could do to someone (good & bad). Hurtful things can really make a person sad and ruin what was a good day. Kind words are always so much better as those can actually brighten a person's day. Afterall, would you rather be the kind to brighten or dampen a person's day? Your answer to that question definitely helps define your true character!!!

Un-clenching my fists and other ramblings......

Relaxation.... something that comes pretty easily for most people. As for me, I don't know how to relax, no matter how hard I may try.

When I was going through my group with TOH back in the fall, someone mentioned that when you go to bed at night, make sure you stretch your hands & fingers out and don't have them clenched up into fists. At that time, I thought, who really goes to bed with their hands in fists?!? Well, I do.... I have taken notice to this a lot lately and I do consciously have to remind myself to unclench the fists and stretch out my hands & fingers. I would love to say it helps me relax, but not sure it does. Just find it so strange that now I do remind myself of this every single night and catch myself having to unclench!

Why is it that I can never turn my brain off?!? No matter how hard I try, there is always something going on. I'm always stressing about something. Wish I could just be carefree and not care about things, but that just isn't in my nature. Stress sucks though and I sure could use a lot less of that in my life!!

I said this post would be "other ramblings", so pardon me if I tend to jump all around in it. Sometimes my thought process will jump from one thing to another so quickly that I even surprise myself. I always have so much on my mind that the thoughts come and go sometimes as fast as the speed of light!

In 10 days, on February 19th, it will be the 5th anniversary of my Mom's passing. 5 years! Just to say it is unbelievable. Where have the years gone? How can it be 5 years already when it feels as if I just lost her last week?!? Why am I still finding myself so angry at times?? After 5 years, shouldn't I be better? Stronger? Less prone to the anger and tears?

I still find myself to jealous of those that still have their Moms in their lives. To hear how others make plans with their Moms to go shopping, to lunch, etc..... I am so jealous! Then, there are those with Moms still on this earth but the relationship is strained and they complain constantly about their Mom?!? I do realize that everyone's relationship with their mother is not what I had with mine, but I still find myself so angry at times to hear people talk badly about their own mother. I want to grab them and shake them and remind them that some day they will not have their Mom anymore and that day they may find themselves full of regret for the relationship that is no longer a possibility. Embrace the relationship and your Mom while she is here on earth. If not, I do believe that most will live with so much regret later.

Regret is one thing I can at least say I do not have. Mom and I were best friends. We did everything together. I took care of her until the very end. I have no regret when it comes to our relationship and my Mom. I have lots of longing.... Longing for more time, longing to hear her voice again, longing to see her beautiful face.... Yes, lots of longing, but no regret.

I wish Mom were here for my girls. They need her almost as badly as I do. Mom was their cheerleader, their biggest fan, their biggest supporter in everything. Since Mom's passing, the girls do not have any other strong female figures in their lives. I am all they have in that department. I wish there were others that would support them like she used to, but they have nobody else like her.

On to other ramblings.....

I am soooooo angry!! I am so tired of certain people treating the girls as if they are not important. Especially hurting for Ashley this year. It is her senior year. It is supposed to be such a special time for her and some have taken so much from her happiness this year. First, she got into the accident in December and has been without a car since. We just can't afford to buy her a new car right now and she is trying so hard to save up for one. She is working 2 jobs and going to high school!! Crazy! But as quickly as she starts to save she has to spend the money. She has had to cover 1/2 of her own senior trip and get paid back by her father at his leisure. Last year, Britney did not have to do that. He paid on time for her, but this year Ashley is getting the shaft as she always has from him & that entire side of the family!

Ashley turned 18 on December 29th. Today is February 9th and as of today she has still not gotten any celebration or gift from her father! But he proceeds to tell her how he was taking someone else out (girlfriend's daughter) this past weekend for her birthday that is this week. Does he honestly think this does not hurt his daughter??? Ashley may not say it or show it to him, but I live with her and I get to see the hurt!! Some people truly do not deserve to be parents!! :(

Thank goodness for Pat stepping up all of these years and being a real Daddy to the girls. He supports these girls as if they are his own. He has never missed anything they have done. He has made sure they each got a first car, that we pay our share & more of their school stuff as well as everything else.

Oh well, I guess that is enough complaining about all of that for now. It just gets my blood boiling, which is never a good thing.

On a good note, it hasn't snowed in at least a week and none in the 7 day forecast too. Praying that means that spring is truly on it's way. I need some sunshine and warmth. The winter blues does not help my mood at all! I have also had the worst cold in years this past week or two. I think it is finally loosening it's grip on me, but it sure has made life miserable for awhile now. Today, however, I have been blessed with a nice headache to remind me that stress is no good for me. I really need to find a way to de-stress. It just seems that things come at me so fast. If it's not one thing, it's another. I lack patience these days. Patience is another thing I need to find again.

Sigh..... maybe another day.