16 years ago today at 8:58am, my second daughter was born. We expected a boy since that pregnancy was so different than my first one a year earlier, but I was thrilled when the dr. said "It's a girl"! :) I got to the hospital at 8:12am and she was born at 8:58am after only two pushes.

Ashley has grown into such a beautiful young woman and I am so proud of her! :)

Christmas.... the day after

Isn't it amazing how you spend what seems like months to get ready for Christmas and then it's gone in a flash? That is how I'm feeling this year. Days of cooking for dinner to be eaten in 20 minutes time. Months of shopping for everything to be a memory already. Oh well, guess that's all normal.

Anyway, we had a good Christmas here. Everyone was at my house as usual. Everyone loved their gifts, especially Pat. This year, I got him a 1968 T-Bird for Christmas. He has wanted a classic car for so long now and I'm so glad that this year we were able to do it! :) He got me a new laptop. One of the best you can get on the market. I'm very happy with it. He got my old laptop, which was only about a year old to begin with. LOL We are giving his old computer to a friend. The girls had a good Christmas too. Broadway tickets were a big hit. :) After dinner, everyone played Rockband on the Wii which was a lot of fun!

Now we are busy getting ready for Ashley's Sweet 16 on Monday. It never seems to end. I am enjoying the sleeping in though. LOL

Mid December Ramblings

I haven't written in awhile, so figured I should at least post an update of sorts.

Santa Breakfast is finally over and I am breathing again. Stress has been lifted. Yay!! It was a huge success. Biggest one to date. I am very relieved it went as well as it did! Christmas parade was the same night, so that was a very busy, exhausting day!

I have basically finished my Christmas shopping now, thankfully. I actually finished wrapping this morning too. Spent several hours doing it, but at least it's done! WooHoo!!!!

Next on my agenda is writing out my food list for Christmas dinner. Will pick up everything this weekend. We will have a full house as usual for Christmas! I don't mind though. I prefer staying home for Christmas. Christmas is not the same without Mom, but I am doing my best this year to make it better than it has been the last couple of years. I even decorated more than I have been again. Of course, the outside isn't decorated as much as usual though and I'm bummed about that. Pat handles the outside and he put up all he felt like putting up. I wanted more, but what can ya do?!? There are a couple of houses down the street that are sooooo lit up. I love the look of them and wish we would do the same. Maybe some year coming up we will go overboard once Gian & Branden are a bit older and really can enjoy Christmas! :)

I have to find time to get over to my grandmom's to put her tree up. We put it up every year for her but things are soooo hectic that we have not had time to do it. I wish someone else would step in once in awhile with it. I live the furthest away and have very active kids, but still I am the one to find the time to do it for her. Sigh.... Anyway, probably will get over there either tomorrow or Friday evening to do it.

Ashley had her HOP last weekend. She looked beautiful! Britney did her hair and makeup for her and it turned out really nice! They are both growing up so fast. We are in the process of getting things together for Ashley's Sweet 16 on the 29th! So glad that Cheryl is helping me with Ashley's, like she did with Britney's last year. It really helps! :)

Well, I guess I'm off again. I should do some baking, but have to see what I have in the kitchen for it all. LOL I admit that I am not in the baking mood at all, so we shall see!

Thanksgiving and beyond

Thanksgiving was pretty nice. Hectic, but nice. Britney was in the parade in Philadelphia, so we got her to the school by 7:30 so they could head to that. We made breakfast at the house after that. Chrissy, Jon & Branden came over as well as my Dad. Pat's dad was supposed to come as well, but called and said he was in bed sick. We also watched the parade on tv. I was disappointed that this year they didn't do any close-ups of the chorus singing?!? So, didn't really get to see Britney. She has decided this would be the last year she does the parade. It was her 2nd year and the experience was fun, but she is done with it. LOL
After all of that, we went to Kevin's for dinner. It was nice. On our way home we stopped at Howard's for dessert. Then had to get home, pack and get some sleep so we could head to NC around 3am (Pat's idea, not mine to go that early). LOL

We had a very nice weekend with Tony, Jen & Gian! Gian is such a wonderful little boy! Such a good baby and I am proud of Tony & Jen for how well they are raising him. Their house is very nice and perfect for them. We had a good time and miss them a lot!

The drive home was hell though! It rained the entire way. What was supposed to be about a 6 hour ride turned into a 10 1/2 hour one. We were exhausted by the time we got home last night! LOL

Now back to reality.... have to finish organizing the Santa Breakfast stuff. I have a few calls to make about it to make sure everyone is on board and on track. I can not wait until it's over!! Next year, I am not organizing it. Help, maybe, but run it... no way! LOL Also have to work on holiday stuff and Ashley's Sweet 16. Can't I just stay on vacation forever? LOL

17 years ago today I gave birth to my first beautiful daughter, Britney! She was perfect in every way and even began holding her head up at a day old. 17 years later she has grown into a beautiful young woman and I am very proud of her. She is beautiful, smart, talented and so very kind hearted. The young woman she has become is one that everyone flocks to because being around her makes everyone else happy.

Tomorrow morning she will take her road test for her license. It is hard to think of letting her drive off in her car alone, but I know it is all part of the letting go process. We do what we have to do and this will be no different.

So, happy birthday to my beautiful Britney! May you always be blessed and protected!

Here comes the rain

Raining again! Ugh! Sick of rain since it has done it a lot in the last weeks. It's also very chilly out. The kind of day where you want to stay in bed. I didn't though. LOL I took an Ambien last night to get sleep. I'm tired of insomnia and need to find ways to sleep. My lack of sleep even contributes to my weight, which sucks!! So, I had enough last night and broke down and took one even though it was a school night. The girls are great about getting up and going without me. I still woke up, but stayed in bed and texted them to make sure they were up and moving. All went well. I stayed in bed until about 9 and then had to get up because of a major coughing fit. I'm feeling like such crap today. Ugh!

Britney's birthday is on Sunday. Can't believe she will be 17 and driving. She goes for her road test on Monday morning. Very scary time for me as her mom, but a very exciting time for her! I'm sure she will do great as she is very responsible, but I know it will just add more stress and worry to my life. I can't help but wonder how my mom did this! LOL

I'm in the process of trying to plan Ashley's Sweet 16 party. We are having such a hard time finding a resonably priced place to rent. Everyone wants around $400 just to rent the hall. Ugh!! We figure once we add in the hall rental, food, etc... we are looking at a party that will cost over $1000, right after Christmas! Ashley keeps telling us to push it back some and she doesn't care if it's on her birthday or not. I would hate to do that though. Guess I care more than she does when it comes to that. I want her 16th to be special and since she was born 4 days after Christmas, most of her birthdays have been a flop! I don't want her 16th to be a flop, it needs to be memorable!

Oh well, I suppose things will fall into line at some point.

It's raining really good now. I was going to wander out to get the mail, but it's a bit messy at the moment out there. Guess I'll wait. Wish I was the kind of person that could nap, because that is what I would be doing right now. LOL

Nationals and more.........

The band had Nationals on Friday. So glad competition season is now over. We were exhausted this season! Anyway, we took 4th at Nationals which isn't bad at all! We were the highest NJ band in our group and also beat the band that beat us the week prior at Northern Championships. Just goes to show we should have won those as well if it weren't for one judge that had a preference for a marching drumline over a stationary one. Oh well, we know that our kids were on top of their game then and at Nationals. We are so proud of them!

It was really weird because as of Friday night, it was like a weight was lifted around here. Especially for Britney. She told Pat yesterday while they were out practicing paralell parking and stuff that she is so much more relaxed now that it's over. All of the stress seems to have disappeared now and she is back to being happy go lucky again. Thank goodness! I don't think my stress will lift until after Santa Breakfast in December, unfortunately!

Britney & Sarah are making cupcakes right now. Yum! Can't wait to have one. LOL Ashley is out and about at the moment. We are just relaxing and watching some football. It's been a pretty good Sunday here.

Mom's Things

Last night I had Dad over for dinner, which I do often so that is nothing new. He brought two big boxes with him of Mom's knick knacks, snowglobes, etc... I have yet to go through them. Mom loved snowglobes and I probably bought her 90% of the ones she had. I am planning to put all of her snowglobes out in my craft room where at the moment I have two empty shelves to fill. Was going to put dolls on them, but I think this would be better. He also told me he found their cake top from their wedding and a candle from the wedding. He is going to give those to me now as well. I love having Mom's things, but will be honest that it tends to make me sadder sometimes. Maybe it's just the initial having to go through the stuff and set it up. Hoping that is all it is anyway and that once I have things in their place the sadness will subside again.

I have been thinking about Mom a lot in the last month or so again. I'm not sure if it's the girls growing up and I'm sad that she isn't here to share this with me or what. Maybe it's band season because Mom's favorite thing was marching band when I was in high school. Heck, she even stayed with the band after I graduated for a couple of years back then. LOL She would be the biggest, loudest fan in the stands watching our band now! Sigh... Oh well, life goes on, right?

Well.....

It looks like we have a newly elected president. Hope he lives up to all the hype around him!

Moving on.........
I am feeling pretty down lately. Trying hard not to be, but for some reason it's here like a brick sitting on my chest. Not sure if it's just exhaustion from band season, the approaching holidays, etc..... but it is here. Sigh....

Not much to say, I guess since I would hate for this post to turn into a whining spell. LOL So, going to go now and do.............nothing at all. LOL

Northern States

Well we had Northern States Championships last night. We took 2nd and also won best music and best visual effects. We lost by less than a full point, so really nothing to be sorry of. The kids did a great job, as always! On to Nationals next week. Win or lose, we are all very proud of our wonderful kids!

Today we are all pretty much relaxing. Britney had an essay to finish up and she did that already. I think her and JD are supposed to hang out later.

I'm so glad the kids have several days off school this week. We could all use the break. Now, I just wish band season had ended for us when originally supposed to because that would mean the days off would be completely free. Unfortunately, they won't be now since there will be band practices and then Nationals on Friday!

Exhaustion setting in......

I definitely think my body is shutting down from total exhaustion now. The band season has been so grueling on parents & kids. We don't get a break at all this week. It started last night (Tuesday) with practices. Tonight we had the Halloween parade and party after, practice tomorrow night, football game Friday and then competition on Saturday. I would love to say we at least have Sunday off, but truth is, we don't! We won't be home from the Saturday competition until about 3am Sunday! So, by the time we get to bed we will sleep half of our Sunday away anyway! Ugh!!

Then, the decision to go to Nationals was made, so instead of this week being it for us, we are continuing on. I would never begrudge the kids this opportunity, but damn I am tired! Next week it will be practices and then Annapolis, MD on Friday for Nationals.

So, after competition season is finally over, I have to move forward with the Santa Breakfast stuff. I am feeling overly stressed over this one. I honestly did not ask to be in charge of this. It was dropped in my lap. I don't mind helping out all I can at these things, but to be in charge of organizing it, nope, not what I want to do! I didn't mind helping last year at all, but I did not want to be in charge of this huge fundraiser. It is very stressful and we all know I don't handle stress the best in the last few years! I tend to worry about it spiraling me out of control. I am doing my best to not let it, but the last few weeks, I have been feeling the breakdown coming. It's just the worst time of year for me, I think! I used to organize pageants with no problem, but things are so different in me now that organizing one frundraiser is driving me nuts!

I am honestly thinking about resigning from the board at the end of this school year. I hate to do it, but I'm honestly thinking it's best for my own sanity. I don't mind being part of the boosters and helping out all I can, but I don't think being on the board is for me. We shall see, but I am leaning towards doing that anyway.

Holidays are coming and even they are causing me stress this year. I usually do Thanksgiving and Christmas. It has just been that way. When Mom was alive, she helped or even took one and then I helped her instead. Since her passing, I have done both most of the time. Kevin has mentioned taking Thanksgiving this year, which would be fine, but he would need my help and I would still find myself doing a good portion of the holiday. Britney is in the Boscov's parade in Philly that morning as well. So, like last year, dinner will need to be pushed back to about 3pm instead of 1 like we used to do. The day after Thanksgiving we are planning to go to NC to visit Tony, Jen & Gian for a few days. Even that has me stressed now as both girls had commitments that came up for that weekend. Ashley has basketball tryouts that weekend and may not be able to get out of them which would mean leaving her behind that weekend! Britney was supposed to attend homecoming as an executive student council member or she would be kicked out of the organization. Luckily, she was able to straighten that one out and all is ok with her. I can not believe they even put homecoming on Thanksgiving weekend. How stupid is that???? So, the trip is going to be stressful if I have to leave Ashley behind for the weekend. We were supposed to go as a family, not minus one! Ugh!!!!

Britney had her driving test in a few weeks. Even that is stressing me out. Because of band season, we have not had any time at all to take her out and practice her parking or anything. She has driven, but needs some help with the parallel parking still. Now that band season has been extended again, that will take us up to the week before her test! Not sure one week is going to be enough and honestly, I worry about her failing her first try because of lack of practice and possibly her own nervousness! We added her car and her to our insurance which of course spiked our policy by quite a bit! Her father is supposed to help with it, but I won't hold my breathe. He was also supposed to help with buying her a car, but that never happened!

Seems like I'm in a bitching mood, so looks like I should rename this post the Bitch post. LOL Guess I just get like this when stressed!

On a positive note, the kids had a great time at the Halloween party tonight. It was great to see them all having a blast together for a change since they have worked so hard this season. Britney was excited today because she got the highest grade on a pshychology test today. She hung it on the fridge like she used to when she was little. It's cute! Ashley decided to go to the next two competitions as a band aide, so she will be travelling with the band. I think she missed doing it this year, even if she won't admit it. She was having a blast at the party tonight too. LOL Oh, the Phillies won the World Series tonight. I'm not a baseball fan, so I personally didn't care much. I did find myself watching it though and cheering them on. Even though I generally hate the Philadelphia teams! LOL Well, I hate the Eagles, but guess I won't take that out on the Phillies. LOL

Oh, also forgot to mention that yesterday, we gave Angel away. It was very hard to do after hand raising her for the last 5 years! It was necessary though. Her and Bella could not get along anymore and Angel is such a non-dog that she needed a home where she could be the center of attention and get all of the love. I found her what I feel will be a wonderful home with an older woman who lives alone, but has raised Shihtzu's in the past. Her last one died 4 years ago, but lived to be 19! She was a perfect fit for Angel and I know Angel will get tons of love and she deserved that. We had talked for awhile about trying to find her and possibly even Bella homes. I will miss her, but luckily the lady will also be keeping in touch with me and said she would send tons of pics in email as well. Now, if Bella doesn't knock her pushiness off, she will be finding a new home next. LOL Since Angel is gone, she may turn her dominating nature to Rajah and I will not have that at all! We shall see. She is a wonderful dog in every other way, but she has real issues with other female dogs for some reason! It's beginning to drive me nuts!

Okay, I think this post was long and boring enough so I guess I should possibly think about getting some sleep. Morning comes way too quickly these days. I need to pack some food for Britney for tomorrow. She has to stay after school and then has band at 6, so she will stay straight through. Usually she will go buy something, but I'm so sick of having to give her extra money all of the time because of band practices! I told her she can pack for a change. LOL Yep, I'm being a bitch! Truth is that band season breaks the bank here! And, I still have to buy my damn tickets for All States tomorrow at $13 each! At least I don't have to buy Ashley one now that she will be part of the band. LOL

Tired

Too tired to post much tonight, but wanted to say a huge congratulations to our band, New Jersey Group 1 open Champions! WooHoo! They were awesome today and not only did they win the state championships, but they took a clean sweep winning every category: best color guard, best music, best percustion, best visual and best overall effects! What an awesome day!

Rainy Saturday

It was rainy and miserable today. I honestly didn't mind much though. At least it was warm too. Pat did a bunch of work on Brit's car today. It's running great. She is loving it. We let her drive her car to the football game last night. Pat went in the car with her, of course. I know she was loving it and can't wait to be able to just go alone. She goes for her road test on November 17th, so we shall see after that.

Britney had band practice 3 to 5 today, so dropped her off then ran to pick up check from Don. Ashley convinced him to take her and Dallas to the mall, so she stayed with him and he will bring her home at some point tonight. We stopped at Shoprite on the way back into Hammonton to pick up some goodies for in the van for the long ride to and from the competition tomorrow. Then picked Brit back up at band. They were having pizza after practice, but she didn't want to stay for it. She is sick of junk food, so she opted to come home right after and have a nice, yummy, Caesar salad instead. LOL It will be an early to bed night here since we have to have Brit at the school by 6:30 tomorrow morning. After tomorrow, just one more week left of competitions, thank goodness! We are all pretty run down from the season. Now, if I can just get through the Santa Breakfast in December, I'll be happy. LOL

I haven't had any time in my craft room for a few days. Always so much going on these days. Will look forward to more time in there once competition season is over as well.

They are playing a Halloween marathon on AMC today. I have been watching them most of the day. Yes, I'm a crazy Halloween fan. LOL Rajah is laying in the chair with me. Have I mentioned that she is always up my butt? LOL I laugh at Britney because she says Rajah is her dog, but truth be told, Rajah is my dog!

Random, smokey Friday thoughts

I have a migraine from all of the smoke in the air today! It's horrible. Forest fire has been burning for about 4 days now in the area. The girls' school was closed today due to the bad air quality here. It smells worse today than it has in the past days. I think the wind has shifted and it's now heading this direction! The joys of living in the woods! Ugh!! The house is all closed up, but I still smell it! There is supposed to be a home football game tonight, but not sure yet what will happen with that. I certainly don't see how they could make them play in that smoke! Still waiting to hear.

We are expecting horrible weather tomorrow. It should help with the fire, hopefully. But, it has made our championships scheduled for Giants Stadium to be moved to Sunday instead and now at a different location since the NFL plays on Sunday at the stadium. Sunday is supposed to be nicer though, so it's best. Times got changed around though, so now the kids have to be at the school by 6:30am on Sunday as busses are leaving at 7. We perform at 11 and our awards are at 3:15. It's about a 2 hour drive to the school it's being held at. Hope we do well. We are going in pretty much as top seat, but I looked at the schedule and they have us going first. I hate first! LOL

I feel so bad for Ashley. One of her friends, was hit by a truck last night while riding on a quad. It was actually two of her friends. The one boy was up and walking around and just hurt his arm, but the other boy had to be flown out and she said he wasn't moving at all. Yes, she was there right after the accident since it was only one road over! As far as I know, she hasn't heard anything about him yet today. She was pretty upset most of the night, so I was actually glad when school was canceled. I doubt she got much sleep, unfortunately!

Well, guess I'm going for now since I seem to be coughing up a lung now! Ugh, this smoke!!! :(

Yawn........

Well, weekend is over and I think I'm still feeling it. LOL It was a long, busy one. But, on a good note, our band is now South Jersey Regional Champions! WooHoo!! Way to go band!

Branden's christening yesterday was nice. He was so good during it and slept most of the time. Such sweetie. I was so happy to see Gian too. Tony, Jen & Gian came up for the christening as Jen is the godmother. I have missed Gian so much. He is still such a good little boy! He is 7 months now and is getting so animated. I love it!

I have so much going on right now. I have to plan the Santa Breakfast for the band, plan Ashley's Sweet 16, figure out Thanksgiving holiday, Christmas holiday and all of the rest of the band stuff. My head is spinning all of the time.

I want and need to get back on a diet, but who has the time to worry about that stuff?!? We eat on the run so often right now. I try not to eat bad, but it's inevitable when we are gone more than home or even when home the dinner's are super fast ones. I am looking forward to band season being over. Just seems as it if was longer than usual this year.

Can I Stay in Bed This Weekend???

It is going to be a crazy weekend. Definitely thinking staying in bed would be a better idea. LOL

Tonight is a huge football game at the high school. We are playing Mainland and we are both undefeated. It is supposed to be the biggest game of the season. Brit has to be back to the school by 4:30, which honestly, I do not understand. The game is at 7 and it's a home game. I hate that the director feels the need to practice these kids for hours prior to things all of the time! He has totally exhausted these kids this year and moral is pretty low at this point. Ugh!! Anyway, probably won't be home until after 10 tonight from the game. Then, tomorrow morning Brit & Ash have PSAT testing and need to be at the school before 8am. They get done at 11:15am and Brit has to be at band at 12! So, enough time to grab her, run to the store to let her get some food and drop her right back off. Competition after that and after he practices them for a few hours, I'm sure!! They are due to go on the field at 5 something for the competition and awards aren't until about 10 at night. By the time they get back to the school for us to pick her up there, we will most likely be home around midnight! Then on Sunday we have Branden's christening and Britney has another competition.

I am pretty pissed about the competition on Sunday. This was not on the schedule and he just threw it in without consulting parents or even the boosters first. We purposely had Chrissy plan Branden's christening around the band schedule and now that is messed up! Britney can't even attend her nephew's christening now and we are going to have to go nuts figuring out all of the transportation stuff for her. It truly is crazy and I am honestly hating it this year. I can not wait for the season to be over. These kids have worked their butts off this year and this director is running them into the ground every week. Britney was actually ready to quit last week, which definitely means it has gotten bad! :(

So, I don't see much rest in my future for this weekend. I haven't been sleeping well either. Although, that is pretty normal, but it's been even worse than usual lately. My mind never seems to shut down and I'm always thinking about what I have to do coming up. I guess someday, things will be calm around here.

I Should Be Sleeping

Yep, I should be sleeping, but here I am again. Ugh! Well, it's 12:17am, so it is officially my birthday! Happy Birthday to me! Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

Tonight we had my birthday dinner. It was a complete flop, which does not surprise me one bit. Only people to show were my Dad, Chrissy & Branden, John, and Erene. Brit's boyfriend, JD ran by after he got off work to give me a card. I thought that was very sweet of him! He's a good kid! Let's see, I don't think Chrissy even really said happy birthday to me at all (well, I guess singing happy birthday is saying it, so maybe she did?!?). The night seemed to turn into more about Branden and Chrissy than my birthday. :( It tends to always happen, so guess I should not be surprised about that either. Sigh..... These are the reasons I tend to not want to bother with more than just us for my birthday. I end up doing stuff, like cleaning up for my own celebration and then others monopolize Pat during that time, etc... Maybe I'm just being selfish, but damn it, it was MY birthday celebration!! When do I ever think of myself?? I definitely do not think one night a year making it about me is so wrong?!? Oh well, life goes on.

Now that it's my real birthday, I wonder how many will actually bother calling me to say happy birthday or anything?!? Won't surprise me if nobody does, honestly. Such is life. Okay, yes, I miss Mom!!!! Mom would never forget it or make my day about anything else. She always made sure that I knew it was about me at least that one day a year. :( These are times when I miss her the most.

Anyway, I did get lots of nice stuff from Pat and the girls. Of course, I did pick most of it out. Pat did surprise me with a nice album for my ATC's, so I was happy about that. Aside from that, the girls did also include nice letters in my box of craft stuff. Even Erene included a nice little letter. So sweet! So, besides the album, I got a big box full of craft stuff for my craft room, a new printer with a photo editing software, and a couple of books! :) Pat wants to take me to dinner for my actual birthday. I have to figure out how we can manage that one. Ashley has to stay after school for basketball and Britney has to go back to school for band rehearsal. Not sure how the heck we can manage to go out to dinner, but we will figure something out, I suppose.

Well, it is now almost 12:30 and I suppose I really should try to get some sleep tonight. I'm considering sleeping my birthday away. Maybe I'll stay in bed all day?!? Yeah, like I could do that. LOL Good night!

When Did She Grow Up?

Well, we finally bought Britney her first car. I can't help but wonder when she grew up from that little girl that I remember so well? It's pretty scary. I guess bittersweet is really the right word for it. I'm excited for her and for all of the new things ahead for her and even for our relationship. But, at the same time, I miss my baby! Sigh..... Life marches on whether you are ready for it to or not, I guess.

So, tomorrow is my birthday! Yippee!! Not! LOL Tonight we are having my birthday dinner here at he house. I'm sure it will be nice, even if I'm not real into having everyone over for my birthday. I tend to miss Mom a lot on my birthday. I am excited to see Branden tonight though. I haven't seen him in a few weeks and he grows so fast these days! I will, of course, take tons of pictures. LOL

This weekend coming up will be a crazy one. Football game Friday night. The girls have PSAT's on Saturday morning. Brit has a competition Saturday afternoon and into the night. Sunday is Branden's christening, but the dumbass band director also through another competition in for that day. We are pissed about that!! Tony, Jen & Gian are coming up for the weekend for the christening. I'm excited to see Gian, but won't get much time with him! Ugh!! I honestly can not wait until competition season is over this year!

Well, going to put some pictures of Britney and her new car in this post now!

Guess Who's Awake Late Again......

Yes, that would be me! I'm up again and it's after 12:30am. I hate insomnia. Nothing wrong this evening, but I'm wide awake! Ugh!!!

Just finished watching Underworld with Britney and now she has headed to bed. Pat works tomorrow, so he went to bed hours ago! Ashley is away for the night. So, all is quiet here now and I'm the only one still up and about. Watching True Blood on HBO now, but it's the rerun from this past week. Sigh.... Nothing much on besides that.

Football game this evening was another blowout. We didn't go because it was away and all the way in Ocean City, but the band had to go, so Brit was there. We are still undefeated for the season. Competition this week is on Sunday since there is no school on Monday. It should be a quicker one that usual as there aren't as many bands there this weekend. Glad that we are getting a bit of a break this weekend anyway. It was very needed.

I had a nice night with Pat. After we dropped Brit at the school for the game and Ashley at her friends, we went to some stores and went to eat. It was a very nice time. I got all of my birthday presents. LOL Yeah, sucks some to know everything you are getting, but at the same time at least I do get what I want. LOL We are having the family over on Wednesday night for dinner and cake. My birthday is actually on Thursday, but that is a band rehearsal night, so no time for people over that night. I personally could care less about having people over for my birthday, but Pat likes to do it, so I let him have his fun. LOL

Well, I guess I should think about attempting sleep or something. Most likely the "or something" will win out at this point. LOL

Random Acts of Kindness

As bad as I was feeling last night, I feel that much better today. It is shocking what a small gesture of kindness can do to a person's mood for the day.

I was out of the house bright and early this morning and at Shoprite by 8am. I had a few things to pick up that turned into $60 worth! LOL I never go in and get just what I went for. LOL So, on my way home I decided to run through the McDonald's drive through and grab an egg mcmuffin for something different. I get up to the window to pay and the guy proceeds to tell me that the guy in front of me paid for mine too?!? I was dumbfounded. I said "you're kidding, right?" to the guy at the window and he assured me that he was not. I did not even know the person in front of me. All I know was that it was some guy in a white pick up truck. He didn't stop or slow down to wait for me to thank him or anything. It was just a random act of kindness and it made my day completely. I know $2 for breakfast isn't a huge deal, but the fact that some stranger would just do that for no reason has put a new perspective on my day. I was feeling so down and low when I left the house this morning. In Shoprite I felt myself tearing up for no apparent reason as I walked around. It was like this guy knew that I was down and needed a boost today and his act did that for me. Now, I need to pay it forward and definitely plan to do something for someone else first chance I get! :)

There is hope in this world still! :)

Another Late Night

Well, it is after midnight and here I sit again. I just can't seem to find a way to sleep. Of course, this is nothing new for me, but I do admit that I am quite frustrated over it. Maybe it's because life never seems to slow down. Maybe it's because I miss Mom. Maybe it's because I have had insomnia since I was 14. Maybe it's because I want to scream all of the time? Hmmmm, I suppose it could be all of those things wrapped up in one.

Lately I have felt like I have nobody to talk to. Life has rushed forward and I sometimes feel as if I have been left behind somehow. I am frustrated.

My father said something to me the other day that really hurt my feelings and I think since then it has been eating at me a lot more than I thought. I tend to try to let things go because it is just dad and he has always been this way. I have done my best since becoming adult to take what he says with a grain of salt and move on. As a kid, what he said I hung on to and let it affect me greatly. I felt I was past that, but now I find myself falling into old habits. He is closest to me & my family now that Mom has left us, but he still manages to say hurtful things without blinking an eye. I truly think he doesn't see that what he says might hurt me, so I do try my best to let it go and ignore it. Ugh!! Guess that is what I need to do this time again. I guess it was just like such a slap in the face to me that I was shocked and stunned about it all. Sigh..... Oh well, life will find a way to trudge forward as it has for the past few years now.

On a good note... I am looking forward to this weekend. The girls are off Friday & Monday from school, so that is a welcome break. Of course, band is still full force all weekend. Football game Friday night, UofD on Saturday and a competition on Sunday. Britney has opted out of the UofD thing on Saturday. I don't blame her, but I hope it doesn't come back to bite her in the butt later. Director didn't make it mandatory though and about 1/2 the band has opted to not go. They all need a break, so I do not blame them a bit really.
Hope I can sleep in a bit those 4 days (if I sleep, of course)!

Well, I guess I need to go try to sleep. Last night I didn't go in until 1am and Pat was worried about me. It's now 12:15am, so I'm sure he will be worried yet again. Wish he would stop worrying so much!! LOL

Ciao

Another week, another first place

It was a great weekend for our band again! Not only did we take 1st place in our group, but also every single caption award in the group and then the cherry on top.... Best In Show!!! Way to go Hammonton Marching Blue Devils!!! :)

I spent last night with a migraine, so got very little to no sleep. I was definitely dragging this morning. Such a beautiful day out and I hate feeling like this on these types of days! Ugh!!

Fall is upon us as the cool weather is finally moving in. Fall is my favorite season, so hoping it's a good one with plenty of fall weather and colors. I hate when it seems to jump from being hot to cold and doesn't give us the comfortable in between! So far, it's looking good though for the fall weather.

I can't believe tomorrow is already October! Guess that means it's almost my birthday again. Gee, who doesn't want to get another year older? Ok, so I'm going to be 29..........again! LOL

Guess that's about it for now. Boring, I know. Just not much going on at the moment.

The last few days

So much has been going on. What a busy weekend and beginning to the week we are having here.

Saturday the band had a parade in the morning and then their first competition in the evening. I will admit to being very skeptical about the band's ability this year to pull off a win. Happy to report they proved me very wrong and not only did they win their group, but also was less than two points away for the overall at the competition. Second only to a much bigger group 3 band. We are group 1. We also found out since then that we are the band to beat at this point as we are the highest scoring group 1 band in the state as of right now. It's a lot of pressure on the kids now to stay on track. Hope they can do it. They are all awesome kids!!

Today I had to run my Dad to pick up his new Harley trike. It's pretty neat. He is loving his new toys, but I honestly feel they are just a substitute for him or something to try to take him mind off of Mom. He misses her so much. Everytime I am with him alone now, he does talk about her a little bit here and there and I can tell he is really hurting. He asked me today if I wanted all of her snow globes that he has sitting out on a table in his dining room. I don't know where I will put them all, but of course I want them! If it was Mom's, I want it!! Being with him is painful at times because after I always go through my own emotions of missing her. On my way home from dropping him off I passed the big corn maze that we did with her a couple of years and now that it's that time again, the memories hurt. I remember her, me and the girls getting lost in the maze the one year. We laughed and laughed so much. A laugh I will never again be able to share with her. So much is missing without her....
Ok, enough of that crap again. I swear anyone reading this will get tired of hearing about my mother!!

Back to today. So, Ashley went to a friend's after school to work on homework and stuff. Pat, Brit & I went to Saladworks for dinner. Yum! Nothing like a good salad! After that we dropped Brit off at band practice and headed to the shore. Branden is in the hospital so we went to spend some time with him, Chrissy & John. The poor little thing is so congested. He was happy to see us though and was smiling and talking up a storm. Such a sweet little angel! He just turned 3 months on the 17th. After our visit we stopped at Starbucks where I got a pumpkin spice latte. Yum!!! Then picked Ashley up at her friends and headed to the school to wait for band practice to get done at 9:30. We got home at 10 and now everyone, but me is in bed! Then again, what is new, right?!? Even when I'm in bed, I only take tiny little cat naps! It's going on midnight and I do need to attempt to go to sleep since I do get up around 5:30 with the girls! I miss summer already!! Those early mornings suck!

School is going well as far as I know so far for both. We shall see when progress reports come out in a couple of weeks. Both girls signed up for PSAT's yesterday as well. They are in October. Hope they both do well on those. I personally hate standardized tests like that. I think they are ridiculous and truly mean nothing. If a kid is having a bad day then obviously they can't do well on that one day test! Ugh!!!

Okay, enough babbling... I'm going to bed! Goodnight

Competition season start

Well, tomorrow is the opening of another band competition season for us! Lots of mixed feelings this year about it all. Hoping they will do great, but have my doubts at this point. Colorguard just finished learning their work on Thursday night finally and their uniforms haven't even come in!!! So, I rushed around this week and made the girls tshirts to wear with their jazz pants at least for this weekend. They came out pretty cute, but they certainly are not uniforms! Ugh!!

We will start our day tomorrow with a parade in the morning. Competition is at night and is an hour or so away. We go on a little before 7, but the competition doesn't get over until 10 or later. So, figuring that we won't be home before midnight. Will be a long day for sure!

I try really hard to get into it all, but there is alway something missing! Today is 2 years and 7 months since Mom's passing! Still not easier and each thing I go to without her is still very hard! She loved band competitions when I was in them and couldn't wait until the girls were old enough to be in colorguard and other high school things. Well, she didn't wait for that to happen before leaving us. :(

Anyway, enough of that! Gets old, I know! So, I am sitting here in my craft room waiting for Ashley to get home. Brit came in awhile ago from JD's. Ashley is at our local fair/township day. She sent a text saying that she would be home soon. Sure hope so! But, since I'm sitting in my craft room I will honor Tammy's request and add some pictures of it in this post! LOL

Well, added pictures, but they went to the top of the post. Guess it doesn't matter. Have to figure this thing out some day so I can put pictures where I want them. LOL

I guess it's time to get off of here. While waiting for the pictures to upload, I got a headache. I think someone's trying to tell me to get off the computer!

Off the IV finally

Pat went to the doctor's today. He is finally off of the iv and was very happy to have that picc line removed from his arm. Glad that is over! The doctor was great and told him exactly how this happens and what needs to be done to prevent it from happening again. His leg will never be normal again, but it will be manageable and that is what is most important.

So, right now I am sitting in my craft room. I made some more ATC's today. These ones are for the Broadway musical Wicked. It was fun to make them since I love the show so much. I am really loving my craft room. Britney just came down to say goodnight and laughed because she thinks I hide out in here all of the time now. Well, maybe I do. It's a great escape place for me now. Sometimes, honestly, I do need to hide out from the rest of the world.

I have been feeling a bit irritable the last few days. I'm trying to shake the feelings and am not even sure where they are coming from. Well, maybe I do know where they come from. It's my approaching birthday, I suppose. The last few years just have not been the same for my birthday. It is a month away now and I do tend to start feeling a bit irritable and melancholy about it all. It is definitely times like this that I miss Mom the most. I can't help but still wonder if this is normal. After 2 1/2 years, am I still supposed to be so damn angry? A couple of weeks ago I had a breakdown. I hadn't had one of those in a very long time. I found myself going into Britney's room, which used to be Mom & Dad's room when they lived here and screaming for her. Asking her where she is and why isn't she showing me that she is around me and in this house. That is the room she passed away in and I feel as if her spirit would be strong in there, but as usual, I was greeted with silence. I'm angry!

I have Dad over at least once a week for dinner. He also shows up off and on just when he is out doing nothing else. He is so lonely and every time he expresses that, I get angry again. Although I do know that I hurt for myself also, I do believe I hurt more for my Dad and my girls! I hurt for what Mom is missing out on with everyone else. When Dad was over the other day, we were having a discussion about medical bills and things like that and he talked about how after Mom died some people were trying to collect things from her and he finally gave them the address to the cemetery with her plot number and stuff. I sit and listen to him but find that I still can not talk about her death much. Sigh..... I suppose, someday it will get easier.

Anyway, this post was not supposed to be about all of that. Isn't it weird how things morph and take on a whole new life sometimes?!? I need to make a promise to myself that this blog will not turn into a full time whine fest about Mom like my online journal is. I have reread that one a few times and realize that the whole thing is just full of depressing posts. Who the heck wants to read those things???

Well, I'm off now. Should think about bed, but insomnia doesn't allow that often either. Guess I'll tinker with some craft stuff while watching (more like listening) to the Monday night football game!

Another busy week

Well, it is the start of another busy week here. I am waiting for Pat to get himself together this morning so we can head out. We have to pick a present up for his dad. Today is his birthday and then we are meeting him for breakfast. Pat has a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Hopefully he will be able to go off of the iv antibiotics today. He is really tired of them.

The girls are off to school as usual. It will be a full week of activities. Basketball for Ashley and band for Britney. We begin our competition season this upcoming weekend. Parade on Saturday morning and our first competition of the season on Saturday night. It will be a crazy Saturday, needless to say!

Well, Pat is finally up and moving, so guess that means time to head out. I will possibly write more later.

Just Because

I am starting this blog, just because. I have always enjoyed journaling, although I admit that at times I do not keep up with it at all. We shall see how this works out for me. Sometimes I just have nothing to say and other times.... well.... we will see. LOL