Off the IV finally

Pat went to the doctor's today. He is finally off of the iv and was very happy to have that picc line removed from his arm. Glad that is over! The doctor was great and told him exactly how this happens and what needs to be done to prevent it from happening again. His leg will never be normal again, but it will be manageable and that is what is most important.

So, right now I am sitting in my craft room. I made some more ATC's today. These ones are for the Broadway musical Wicked. It was fun to make them since I love the show so much. I am really loving my craft room. Britney just came down to say goodnight and laughed because she thinks I hide out in here all of the time now. Well, maybe I do. It's a great escape place for me now. Sometimes, honestly, I do need to hide out from the rest of the world.

I have been feeling a bit irritable the last few days. I'm trying to shake the feelings and am not even sure where they are coming from. Well, maybe I do know where they come from. It's my approaching birthday, I suppose. The last few years just have not been the same for my birthday. It is a month away now and I do tend to start feeling a bit irritable and melancholy about it all. It is definitely times like this that I miss Mom the most. I can't help but still wonder if this is normal. After 2 1/2 years, am I still supposed to be so damn angry? A couple of weeks ago I had a breakdown. I hadn't had one of those in a very long time. I found myself going into Britney's room, which used to be Mom & Dad's room when they lived here and screaming for her. Asking her where she is and why isn't she showing me that she is around me and in this house. That is the room she passed away in and I feel as if her spirit would be strong in there, but as usual, I was greeted with silence. I'm angry!

I have Dad over at least once a week for dinner. He also shows up off and on just when he is out doing nothing else. He is so lonely and every time he expresses that, I get angry again. Although I do know that I hurt for myself also, I do believe I hurt more for my Dad and my girls! I hurt for what Mom is missing out on with everyone else. When Dad was over the other day, we were having a discussion about medical bills and things like that and he talked about how after Mom died some people were trying to collect things from her and he finally gave them the address to the cemetery with her plot number and stuff. I sit and listen to him but find that I still can not talk about her death much. Sigh..... I suppose, someday it will get easier.

Anyway, this post was not supposed to be about all of that. Isn't it weird how things morph and take on a whole new life sometimes?!? I need to make a promise to myself that this blog will not turn into a full time whine fest about Mom like my online journal is. I have reread that one a few times and realize that the whole thing is just full of depressing posts. Who the heck wants to read those things???

Well, I'm off now. Should think about bed, but insomnia doesn't allow that often either. Guess I'll tinker with some craft stuff while watching (more like listening) to the Monday night football game!