Well, it is after midnight and here I sit again. I just can't seem to find a way to sleep. Of course, this is nothing new for me, but I do admit that I am quite frustrated over it. Maybe it's because life never seems to slow down. Maybe it's because I miss Mom. Maybe it's because I have had insomnia since I was 14. Maybe it's because I want to scream all of the time? Hmmmm, I suppose it could be all of those things wrapped up in one.
Lately I have felt like I have nobody to talk to. Life has rushed forward and I sometimes feel as if I have been left behind somehow. I am frustrated.
My father said something to me the other day that really hurt my feelings and I think since then it has been eating at me a lot more than I thought. I tend to try to let things go because it is just dad and he has always been this way. I have done my best since becoming adult to take what he says with a grain of salt and move on. As a kid, what he said I hung on to and let it affect me greatly. I felt I was past that, but now I find myself falling into old habits. He is closest to me & my family now that Mom has left us, but he still manages to say hurtful things without blinking an eye. I truly think he doesn't see that what he says might hurt me, so I do try my best to let it go and ignore it. Ugh!! Guess that is what I need to do this time again. I guess it was just like such a slap in the face to me that I was shocked and stunned about it all. Sigh..... Oh well, life will find a way to trudge forward as it has for the past few years now.
On a good note... I am looking forward to this weekend. The girls are off Friday & Monday from school, so that is a welcome break. Of course, band is still full force all weekend. Football game Friday night, UofD on Saturday and a competition on Sunday. Britney has opted out of the UofD thing on Saturday. I don't blame her, but I hope it doesn't come back to bite her in the butt later. Director didn't make it mandatory though and about 1/2 the band has opted to not go. They all need a break, so I do not blame them a bit really.
Hope I can sleep in a bit those 4 days (if I sleep, of course)!
Well, I guess I need to go try to sleep. Last night I didn't go in until 1am and Pat was worried about me. It's now 12:15am, so I'm sure he will be worried yet again. Wish he would stop worrying so much!! LOL
Ciao
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2 comments:
You know that I share your insomnia issues...maybe you should join me in working nights!!
Last night, I was finally able to sleep in my own bed at night. I did sleep, but I'd say 90% of my dreams were me *trying to sleep but I couldn't...because of insomnia or because my life was too busy and I just didn't have time to lay down.
How messed up is that? Even when I *can sleep...I dream I can't! LOL
LOL, I completely understand all of that! Yep, a night job might work for me! My brain just never seems to stop! LOL
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